Time magazine recently released a list of 2014’s most influential teens, and we’re all pretty excited about it. It’s really inspirational to see people of such young ages from all over the world making positive differences, especially considering that the most productive thing I’ve done in the past week is un-wedge a wounded fork from my garbage disposal.
However, we found a slight problem with the list. Among some majorly impressive people, including 13-year-old Sports Illustrated cover athlete Mo’ne Davis, 15-year-old chef and business owner Flynn McGarry, and the friggin president’s daughters, we have none other than Kendall and Kylie Jenner.
Just when you thought the inexplicable Kardashian hype was winding down, the two sisters, labeled “TV personalities,” are listed along with their incredibly unimportant accomplishments, such as releasing nail polish lines and co-hosting red carpet events. Perhaps the worst part of the whole spectacle was the fact that they were listed before Malala Yousafzai, a Pakistani youth activist who recently won the Nobel Peace Prize after getting shot in the head by the fucking Taliban.
Something’s wrong here. I don’t even have enough time or emotional stability to delve into the issues behind Kendall and Kylie making a list that includes some of the greatest actors, business models, activists, and singers of our generation. Instead, I present you with my own list of 19 people who are better fit for Time’s most influential teen list than Kendall and Kylie Jenner.
1. That young Starbucks barista who always gives you extra whipped cream.
2. Any drunk girl who you’ve met in a bar bathroom who has complimented your outfit, whether or not she actually meant it.
3. Preteen girls who wear high heels to school.
4. Jaden Smith, for any of his presumably shrooms-induced tweets.
5. Anyone who, I don’t know, graduated from high school.
6. …and actually plans on going to college.
7. The chick from your high school who had a baby with a Jimmy John’s delivery guy, who subsequently makes you feel better about your life.
8. Beliebers.
9. David Beckham’s son. I’m pretty sure he’s, like, 12 years old, but he’s already hotter than I’ll ever be.
10. High schoolers who read way too much TFM and go around saying “Frat!” at the end of their sentences.
11. Your boyfriend’s little sister, even though she definitely hates you.
12. The chick from the “get out me car” Vine.
13. That freshman in one of your lower-level classes who still thinks she has to ask to use the bathroom.
14. Any of the mothers from “16 and Pregnant.”
15. Your former middle school self, who thought it was appropriate to wear jean skirts and Birkenstocks.
16. The girl who works at the tanning salon and turns a blind eye to the fact that you show her the same pair of winkies every time to avoid buying goggles.
17. Guys who are listed as 22 on Tinder, but then reveal that they’re actually 18 and try to blame it on the app.
18. Hilary Duff. I realize she’s not a teenager, but she’ll always be 15-year-old Lizzie McGuire to me.
19. LITERALLY ANY OTHER TEENAGERS EVER.
[via The Huffington Post]
Image via The Huffington Post
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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