19 Signs You’re Not A Basic Bitch

19 Signs You're Not A Basic Bitch

In the hierarchy of girl world there is nothing lower than a basic bitch and nothing higher than a boss ass bitch. Being a boss ass bitch is a lifestyle–it’s not something you can acquire overnight. Some may say being viewed as a BAB is a dubious honor, because it comes with so much responsibility and expectation. Well, brush off your shoulder, because you’re a basic bitch. You may think you have all the qualities of a BAB, but you could be wrong.

Qualifications for being a BAB:

  1. Your confidence is so over the top that “cocky” is a mediocre explanation of the aura you radiate.
  2. People are intimidated by you and have admitted it to your face–while avoiding eye contact, of course.
  3. You don’t take a drink from just anyone. That frat boy who pissed himself definitely doesn’t deserve the satisfaction, especially for a watered down vodka soda that probably cost $4. Your time is priceless.
  4. If it’s a pregame, work, chapter, or your best friend’s wedding, you attend when it is most convenient for you. Most people would consider this “late,” but you have a sense for the perfect time to make an entrance.
  5. No one has EVER uttered the phrase, “cool story babe, now make me a sandwich” to you. Most times, there is already a sandwich waiting for you. Everyone yearns to hear your life experiences and you have a knack for storytelling.
  6. You let bygones be bygones. No matter who you are, douchebags will make their way into your life and damage, ruin, or scar you in some way. If you are a basic bitch, you will still talk about this same person four years later, telling the same story and analyzing it to anyone who will listen. This is a key difference between a BB and a BAB. A Boss Ass Bitch realizes that everything happens for a reason. She learns from it, mentally puts that person on her “IDGAF about you shit list,” and moves on.
  7. You can’t put up an Instagram without someone commenting, “OMG that dress/shirt/pants/skirt/shoes, I love!! Where did you get it??” Ha, like you would tell anyone.
  8. In addition, your closet is a destination, especially on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. There is always someone trying to borrow your threads and she is usually heartbroken when she comes across the padlock on your closet doors. The girl who spilled on your dry clean only silk blouse and tried to fix it in the washing machine in hopes you wouldn’t notice really ruined it for everyone.
  9. You stand apart by the way you carry yourself. Those miserable years of ballet didn’t go completely to waste. Your perfect posture is your best ally.
  10. You look pulled together and hotter than everyone even when wearing leggings and an oversized tee.
  11. Even though you aren’t the pledge mom, you are asked to sit in the new member meetings to intimidate and let them know their place, without even saying a word.
  12. You don’t feel bad for putting your needs first, because how else did you make it to the top? Not by walking around with a sting of guilt, that’s for sure.
  13. You somehow know all the coolest music before it’s cool, but you don’t feel it’s necessary to constantly remind everyone you’ve listened to that song since before it was popular.
  14. You are very particular, but no one says “boo” to your requests. Your way is the best way, of course.
  15. During recruitment selection, your opinion on a PNM holds as much weight as that of the president or the pledge mom.
  16. You can smell a try-hard social climber from a mile away.
  17. You can’t remember the last time you waited in line to get into a bar or club. The creepy, old promoter has been texting you since Wednesday, because he knows wherever you go, the crowd goes.
  18. You are always one step ahead of the competition, and you’re often bored by what they come up with.
  19. You never apologize for being yourself, because you’re a Boss Ass Bitch.

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Just a smart blonde keeping her standards as high as her red bottomed heels. Go big or go home.

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