20 Reasons Sandy Isn’t Getting A Bid

1. She’s a HUGE attention whore.

2. She’s showing up to all these hurricane parties without alcohol.

3. She only wears gray.

4. She’s loud, but in a “please cease existing” way rather than a “omg you’re too much, you’re so funny” way.

5. She blows everyone.

6. She’s always hysterically crying.

7. Jersey Shore has already been cancelled, so there’s really no purpose for what she’s doing to the beaches.

8. Halloweekend was supposed to be your only natural disaster this fall.

9. She’s gotten wet and wild at every frat house in the north east.

10. She’s the definition of a bad hair day.

11. She’s interrupting Gossip Girl tonight.

12. I hate to be judgmental but…she’s big. We can’t have big girls in this sorority.

13. There are so many selfies of her online.

14. She looks better with the lights off…so she insists on sitting in darkness.

15. She JUST got here and already has a horrible reputation.

16. She single-handedly got your favorite bar closed down.

17. She’s cold.

18. She thinks she’s your only friend and insists on letting your phone die, leaving you with no means of communication to the outside world.

19. She’s pretty much the opposite of a philanthropist.

20. She’s not even pretty.

No bid, Sandy. No bid.


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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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