Ugh, drama. Right? You feel me? All the drama-free bitches in the house, raise your hands and say, “haaaay.”
I think to myself on a daily basis just how much I hate drama. When I have my afternoon social media stalking sesh and I see complaint after complaint on my newsfeed, when I listen to my friends talk about what this guy said and what that guy did, and when I see couples get into fights over dumb shit, like who is paying for the ice cream or why she should drive, I literally want to shake their bodies and tell them to stop being such drama queens.
Sure, I say I hate drama, and so do most of you. We’ll tell boys we’re talking to, friends we’re gossiping with, and sisters we support that we’re totally drama-free, but in reality, I call shenanigans. Honestly, most of us thrive off of it–while I’m complaining about the drama around me, I’m also grabbing a tub of popcorn and shushing everyone while I watch the shit hit the fan.
It’s not necessarily our fault. I mean, we grew up in a world of Rosses, Rachels, and everyone sleeping with everyone and chatting about it over coffee. It seemed really cool, so that’s how we decided to live our lives: caffeinated and full of drama. Even you. Don’t believe me? Here’s some proof:
- You wait until the morning your paper is due to start it. You literally had months to work on this assignment.
- Oh, your ex’s fraternity is having a party? Sure, you’ll stop by.
- Your boyfriend thinks he can glance in the direction of a scantily clad girl? LOL. We’ll see about that.
- What, does he think she’s prettier? This question needs to be answered NOW, in the middle of a crowded bar, while you’re drunk and surrounded by friends.
- Obviously you need to Facebook message her to tell her to stay away from your man.
- Had a fight with your boyfriend? Post a passive-aggressive status about it.
- “If he can’t handle me at my worst, he sure as hell doesn’t deserve me at my best.”
- Your best friend didn’t text you back, so when she does, you text her four paragraphs about how she doesn’t get how much you love her.
- The girl you hate is at your tailgate, so you whisper with your best friend and make fun of her mom jeans.
- “It’s not that I care what he’s doing–I just want to know, like, what he’s doing,” you think, while stalking your ex on Facebook.
- WHAT? He’s dating someone? You obviously need to stalk her relentlessly and warn her about how much of a dick he is.
- You convince yourself that you have a right to look through his phone, email, and personal stuff.
- And then you attack him with accusations after discovering a girl texted him, “hey what’s up” in June.
- “Whoops, I accidentally sent that Snapchat of me having lots of fun with a new guy to my ex. Oh well.”
- How dare a sister talk to the guy that you took on a date function two years ago?
- You “accidentally” liked that bitch’s status about her car breaking down? Meant it.
- You leave 15 minutes before your shift starts at the job that takes 20 minutes to get to.
- You start a comment argument because you’re bored. Maybe you’ll actually change someone’s views on a political party, abortions, or the legalization of marijuana.
- You get drunk and tell the guy you like that you love him, the girl you dislike that you hate her, and you make out with your best friend, just because.
- You subtweet like it’s your job.
You have two choices. You can either get your act together, stop talking shit about people, and become, like, a good person. Or you can keep living life how you’ve been living it and secretly know that you love drama. And if you do, don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Except not really, because I love drama just as much as you do..
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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