Columns

20 Signs You’re An Actual Social Media Stalker

20 Signs You're An Actual Social Media Stalker

  1. You feel closer to people after a good Facebook stalking sesh than you do after meeting them in real life.
  2. You already know the face, name, and one fun fact of every single PNM who walks into your house during rush.
  3. You pretend not to know things about people so they don’t figure out the extent of your creepiness.
  4. Helping your sisters stalk the guys they met in the bar last night is a normal pastime for you.
  5. You can literally find anyone on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. There’s not an alias on Earth that could stump you.
  6. You don’t even need names to find people on Facebook anymore.
  7. You knew about the Google reverse image search long before Nev did.
  8. You use hashtags to find individual profiles on Instagram. “Hmm…I feel like Mike would hashtag something like this…”
  9. The euphoric high you get after finding gossip on someone’s Facebook cannot be matched by anything on Earth.
  10. You get seriously angry when someone has tight privacy settings.
  11. You know you weren’t invited somewhere because of the photos on Instagram. Ha. Who are we kidding? This never happens.
  12. Shutting down your social media accounts during recruitment is easily the darkest week of your life.
  13. You pretty much know exactly when your friends are going to be on Facebook.
  14. You comment on pictures of your crush on a mutual friend’s page hoping that he will see your gorgeous profile picture and friend you. And then marry you.
  15. You know all of your sisters’ friends from home even though you’ve never met any of them in person.
  16. You’ve friended people from a friend’s account after he or she blocked you just so you could continue stalking.
  17. You’re not even fazed by relationship status changes anymore. You already realized the relationship was over after she untagged all of her pictures with him.
  18. Blocking you only makes you stronger. And crazier.
  19. You were voted “Most likely to be caught Facebook stalking” at your sorority’s formal. Or maybe that was just me.
  20. You’re not ashamed of any of this. Not even a little bit.

Stalk on and stalk hard, darlings.

Email this to a friend

pocketfulofsass

Cherelle is a professional cheerleader and aspiring doctor based in Westchester, NY. Voted “Biggest Diva” and “Most likely to be caught Facebook stalking” by her sisters, Cherelle prides herself on being the most outspoken (and loudest) sorority member her campus has ever seen. After a short stint on MTV, she now enjoys pretending to be Blair Waldorf, stalking PNMs, and planning her imaginary wedding on Pinterest. She’s also blissfully unaware that she has graduated and is no longer president of her sorority...

5 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TSM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More