Girls can fit into many different categories: blonde versus brunette, Elle Woods versus Vivian Kensington, those who wear bras versus those who need to but don’t. When it comes to physicality, the athlete versus non-athlete dichotomy says more about a person than her 20 most recently played songs on iTunes. Here’s how you know you fall into the latter.
- You wear Norts solely because the neon makes you look tan.
- People have stopped assuming you’re at the gym when you answer the phone out of breath. They know good and well you’re just climbing a flight of stairs.
- Your favorite sport is shopping the sale rack at Nordstrom.
- You’ve memorized at least one player’s name from each of your hometown sports teams despite not giving a shit about them, the sport, or their “RBIs.”
- If there was an exercise named after you, it would be “Snapchat while watching Food Network on the Treadmill.”
- Real female athletes scare the shit out of you.
- You’ve mastered the art of wearing workout clothes in public so people think you’re going to the gym, even though you have zero intention to do so.
- You count the sweat you work up getting ready in the morning as a workout.
- “Oh, the party is more than a half-mile walk from here? I’ll just stay in with Netflix.”
- You could write a how-to book on coming up with excuses not to work out.
- You’re not about that broken nail life.
- Your brackets for any and every sports tournament are based on which team has the best looking players.
- You consider being forced to play a competitive land sport with guys watching worse than corporal punishment.
- “I’ll just be the cheerleader!”
- You’re pretty sure that you being a lifeguard would cause deaths rather than prevent them.
- You’ve been known to hyperventilate and have anxiety attacks while watching sports on TV.
- Hair curling = arm workout. #realtalk
- Your softball uniform is probably still buried in your backyard from when you stashed it there to avoid practice back in second grade.
- People have stopped asking you to take group fitness classes with them because they don’t appreciate the sarcastic laughing fit anymore.
- What the fuck does Dri-FIT mean anyway?
Nice Move370
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Drunk but not in love
(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and date party inquiries can be sent to drunkbutnotinlove@gmail.com
@DrunkNOTinLove
