Yesterday, Thought Catalog sent out a list of 21 places you will fall in love. It was romantic, and whimsical, and I cringed the whole way through. You are not going to fall in love in 21 places, you are going to fall in love in one place, maybe two, and you are definitely not going to fall in love “Looking across the tracks of the subway and seeing someone in the window of the opposite train” as the column’s author suggests. That’s not love, that’s the same kind of sick obsession that every college girl gets when she wakes up next to a good-looking guy in the morning, fully aware that she will never see him again. Clearly, everyone is delusional when it comes to falling love, because all of these little ideas everyone has are completely baseless and unrealistic. I wanted to clarify some of these things for you, to let all of the readers know that you will absolutely NOT fall in love in ANY of these places, even if you think you have.
1. The basement of a frat house.
2. A bar bathroom.
3. The back of a truck.
4. At a university-mandated alcohol awareness event.
5. At any costumed event where you went slutty on two or more of the three potentially slutty areas (short skirt, cleavage-baring, midriff-baring).
6. An establishment with strobe lights.
7. A fraternity’s philanthropy event — No, not even Derby Days…not even with your Derby Days coach.
8. At the library, where you’re generally tired Addy’d out, and unshowered…or he is.
9. A bar that sells most, if not all, drinks for under $4.
10. Your Sunday morning hungover watering hole.
11. Student health, AKA the Plan B provider.
12. At a tailgate, where the only thing you’ll fall in love with is booze.
13. At a coffee shop, no matter what romantic comedies suggest.
14. Class — partly because you never go, partly because your major is elementary education.
15. Anywhere that a sporting event is taking place.
16. Your ex-boyfriend’s bedroom.
17. The back seat on the bus ride to a mixer.
18. A house party outside of which two or more people are passed out.
19. A girlfriend’s 21st birthday celebration.
20. Anywhere that it’s appropriate to wear a tutu.
21. Blackout City, USA.