Yup, you read that title correctly. I sincerely do not enjoy tailgating. I know this is probably inciting an angry mob, sharpening their pitchforks ready to attack, but it’s time I said it.
I’m tired of hiding into the crowd pretending I enjoy the holy Game Day ritual, but I can’t do it anymore. You know what? I don’t think I’m alone in this. It’s time the Tailgate Haters Anonymous come out of hiding, and end the tailgate hating shame.
- You spend forever getting ready just to sweat it all off.
- Or freeze your butt off.
- Or have an explosion of beer/champagne showered on you.
- Which ruins your hair.
- And leaves you sticky.
- And smelly.
- If you don’t like beer, you’re SOL.
- Because no one likes the person who turns down shotgunning.
- Porta. Potties.
- You’re supposed to know things about football.
- You’re too drunk.
- Or not drunk enough.
- The shame and horror of public puking.
- Or public sloppy make outs.
- Just generally sloppiness.
- The impending all day drinking hangover.
- Boots = blisters.
- The overall stench of sweat and body odor.
- Just when you’re ready to pass out, you’re expected to sit through the game.
- Or *shudders* stand.
- When all you really want to do is watch the game from your couch at home..