1. You feel like it’s a personal attack when a guy says he’s an ass man.
2. Your girlfriends think they have stock in your tits, and they touch them whenever they want.
3. Backless dresses exist merely to taunt you.
4. Everyone assumes you also have huge nipples.
5. Wearing a tank top means you’re violating the dress code in every professional establishment in the country.
6. Even after putting on two sports bras, running is still closer to a form of torture than it is exercise.
7. Triangle bikinis are a thing of your past.
8. The ladies at Victoria’s Secret couldn’t give you a fitting to save their lives.
9. You have the profound ability to make every button-up shirt look like it’s about to burst open.
10. You know it’s clearly impossible to come up with enough patterned fabric to make a cute bra in anything larger than a D cup, because cute bras simply do not exist in your size.
11. Motherhood is going to be cruel to your boobies.
12. If you say you’ve never found crumbs in your cleavage at the end of the day or after a particularly indulgent Netflix binge, you’re lying.
13. In the future, you will tell your grandchildren that “underwire” was a torture device used at the turn of the century.
14. T-shirts make you look like you have a malfunctioning thyroid.
15. Once a month, they’re nearly too heavy to hold up.
16. You’ve been wearing a bra since the fourth grade.
17. You were once told that your real size was a 30G. LOL.
18. It’s incredibly rude to ask if your body parts are real, but you know that doesn’t stop some people!
19. People assume you’re slutty.
20. You’ve been badgered for rush boobs because you’d “really help the house.”
21. No matter what, you can’t deny that you secretly love them.

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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