21 Things That Will Be There For You When Your Douchebag Boyfriend Won’t Be


  1. Pizza
    Small pizzas. Medium pizzas. Large pizzas. No discrimination here.
  2. Netflix.
    Unlimited. TV. all. day. No human interaction. ‘Tis good.
  3. Your Bed.
    Always welcomes you with open arms. Loyal. Trustworthy.
  4. The Internet.
    So many memes. So many gifs.
  5. The Barista at Starbucks that knows you by name.
    And knows your order by heart.
  6. Your Vibrator.
    Who needs a partner?
  7. Baby Animals.
    Fluffiness fulfills all the empty voids in our hearts.
  8. Youtube Makeup Tutorials.
    Learn to make yourself prettier so you can find a boyfriend who WILL be there for you 24/7.
  9. Alcohol.
    Drown your sorrows and forget he’s not mature enough to love you properly. Preferably before 11 am with unlimited brunch mimosas.
  10. Instagram.
    Hate stalking is life.
  11. The Karsdashians On Snapchat.
    Rest in peace, Kim’s social media
  12. Taylor Swift’s Hormone Filled Ex-BF-Hate Songs.
    She goes through breakups only to help you through them, it’s a proven fact.
  13. Vine.
    Lol, jk.
  14. Your mom.
    It might take seven phone calls, three texts, and a page on her pager from 1989, but she WILL get back to you eventually.
  15. Tacky Facebook posts.
    You may not have a successful relationship, but at least you don’t air your dirty laundry on FB.
  16. Your little.
    She’ll be ready to slash your dudes tires with you in a heartbeat. Unless you have a shitty little, because that happens sometimes.
  17. Reality Television.
    How many episodes of Jersey Shore can one watch until they turn into an actual meatball?
  18. Your Therapist.
    It’s their job to be there for you, so, they better be there for you.
  19. Your Favorite Fraternity.
    Who needs one boy when you can have 40+ who will go to bat for you?
  20. Justin Bieber Drama.
    At least you’re not as big of a mess as he is. Just ignore the fact that he has more money than you will ever see in your life.
  21. Total Sorority Move.
    So you know, you’re never alone.

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