Girls on their periods are very fragile creatures. Guys don’t seem to understand this, and they always seem to say the wrong thing. Then again, they’re basically tiptoeing over a football field of IED’s the entire time. Sometimes we need guys to leave us alone, sometimes we need guys to hold us and tell us everything will be okay. It’s either one or the other and it can change in an instant. We’re bloated pissed off bitches most of the time, and that’s on us, but when guys ask questions like these, they deserve what’s coming to them.

1. “What’s wrong with you?”
   Oh, nothing. Just casually shedding from the inside out. I feel just peachy.
2. “Are you on your period or something?”
   My boobs hurt, I’m eating a pound of chocolate, and I don’t know whether or not to cry or punch you for asking that question. What do you think?
3. “Wow. That explains a lot.”
   Yeah, it does, like why I’m thinking of what things I should throw at your face right now.
4. “You’re extra sassy today.”
   You’re extra dick-ish today.
5. “Calm down.”
   *seethes with rage*
6. “You don’t even look that bloated.”
   THAT bloated? Excuse me?!?!?
7. “Should you really be eating that?”
   No, but I am. TRY AND STOP ME, BITCH.
8. “I like you better when you’re not on your period.”
   I like you better when you shut the fuck up.
9. “Ohhhh. So this is what PMS is.”
   I’m going to kill you.
10. “Why do these tampons say “super?” Is it because you have a super vagina?”
    Yeah, its superpower is keeping your asshole sperm away from my uterus.
11. “Does it hurt?”
    It feels amazing. That’s why I’m acting like such a perfect angel right now.
12. “You should try exercising. It’ll help with the cramps.”
    I’d literally rather die than be on a treadmill right now. Pass the chips.
13. “I’m so glad guys don’t have to deal with this shit.”
    You also don’t have to push an alien out of one of the smallest holes in your body. Yay for you!
14. “Yuck, that must be so gross.”
    Wait until I tell you about period shits.
15. “Does this mean it’s blowjob week?”
    This doesn’t even deserve an actual response. Just a death glare.
16. “Kidding. I don’t care if you’re bleeding. I’ll fuck you anyway.”
    Wow. You’re like a freaking saint or something. Does the Pope know about your acts of kindness?
17. “Jeez, okay, no sex. We can just cuddle.”
    Get off of me right now before I scream.
18. “Let’s go out to a party or something. You should get out of bed for a little while.”
    Next time you’re bleeding for seven days straight, let’s see if you want to get out of bed.
19. “I don’t really want pizza tonight. How about a salad?”
    I have the bleeding uterus; I make the rules.
20. “The game is on, can we change the channel?”
    “Gossip Girl” is on. No.
21. “Is it over yet?”
    Nope. Six more days of me acting like a complete bitch. Put on your seatbelt, it’s gonna be a wild ride..

Image via Shutterstock

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Cristina Montemayor

Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: cristina@grandex.co (not .com).

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