There are a few essential things that happen when you join a sorority. You get a lot of presents. You get a group of strong, wonderful women to support you. And you get to say the world “values” as much as possible.
Someone do something to embarrass the chapter? Values. Someone do something awesome? Values. Someone trying to get a snap bid, a rec letter, an exec position? Values values values. And while that’s great and all, I’d like to cut the shit for the second. Sure having values of “philanthropic service” and “be a good person” are great. But they’re sort of dull. So here are some honest values we all lowkey look for in sisters. Because let’s be real, there’s more to it than just “seems like a good fit in the chapter.”
- Joke Teller.
There’s nothing worse than a wet-blanket sister.
- Good Note Taker.
For those days when you just can’t make it to class.
- Good Answer Giver.
And for those days when you’re totally not ready for the exam (you know, because you didn’t make it to class).
- Thinks On Her Feet.
For those moments when guys, professors, and advisors ask questions you don’t know how to answer.
- Can Hold Her Alcohol.
Because you’re looking for a sister, not a liability.
- And Knows How To Adult-Babysit.
For those times when you are the liability.
- Not A Skank-Ass Ho.
Those bitches ain’t loyal.
- A Samantha.
To answer all of the questions you were too scared to ask in sex-ed.
- Has The Hookups.
For the rides, the head of the lines, and the boys with the best behinds.
- Perfect Present Giver.
Because if you get yet another shitty canvas…
Both inside and outside. Especially on the outside. JK. Sort of.
- But Not Too Much Beauty.
Don’t make us look bad. We can’t all have Taylor Swift legs and Kate Upton tits.
Because we want lady-bosses, not little bitches.
- Stands By Sisters Before Misters.
Yes, you have a boyfriend. No, he shouldn’t be “your life.”
- Doesn’t Get Pissed When Others Choose Misters Before Sisters.
The heart wants what it wants. At least there’s more space in the shared bedroom for you!
- Also Practices Sisters Before Standards.
Sisters don’t rat out sisters who threw up at formal.
- Pro Pregame.
I know, we’re not supposed to pregame. This is why you need sisters who totally disregard that rule.
- Liquor And Letters.
Because sometimes you just really need some wine, even if you’re in letters. Join, don’t judge.
- Rule Breaker.
What’s the point of college if you aren’t a little bad?
- Gym Goer.
Complaining about not being skinny at the gym is better with a sister.
- Junk Food Eater
Yes, we all want 2 a.m. Taco Bell and breakup pizza. Don’t make it weird.
- Super Stalker
Social media stalking isn’t a game. It’s a lifestyle.
Because sometimes there’s more to the perfect sister than just charity work and a great recruitment strategy..