Gynecologists! Love ‘em (read: tolerate them) or hate ‘em, they’re a necessary part of life. But just because we ladies have gotten in the habit of visiting an OB/GYN a few times a year, doesn’t mean that the experience has grown to be any less awkward. It’s an invasive, sometimes painful, small-talk riddled appointment that leaves you feeling vulnerable and exposed (literally). And you know what does’t help with that “Naked and Afraid” feeling? The fact that gynos can sometimes be total dicks (ironic, given their specialty). So I asked some friends, family members, and pleasant-enough looking strangers in line at the grocery store for some of the most awkward/terrible/passive aggressive things their gynecologists have said to them. What you are about to read is both horrifying and amazing.
- Back so soon, eh?
- Well, I don’t know what it is, but it’s definitely something.
- We use this speculum for virgins, but you’re far past that point.
- That does not look good.
- I take it you’re still a virgin?
- I can give you a pill that will help with acne. (Note: acne had not been mentioned up until this point)
- Patients always say this part hurts the most, but I think the next step is even worse.
- Since so many people have HPV, it’s almost like no one has it, you know?
- You aren’t in a relationship, so you’ll need more testing, right?
- Your abdominal muscles aren’t toned so this pelvic exam will go pretty quickly.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah, no, Monistat won’t work on this.
- (This friend and her mother share a gynecologist) Actually, your mom has a very similar issue.
- Open wide, like it’s for business.
- I don’t recommend NuvaRing for you since you’ll always be taking it in and out with all the sex you say you’re having.
- Must be different having a boyfriend, huh?
- I tell most women that they only really need to come in for their annual, but I would recommend more visits in your case.
- I apologize that my earlier appointment ran late, it was a real jungle down there.
- Obviously, it’s worse for me if you’re on a free birth control pill, but don’t let that affect your decision.
- (With door to the waiting room open, mother sitting outside) Does your mom know you’re not a virgin anymore?
- Remember: babies are expensive. For you. Not me. Babies pay for my vacations.
- Sorry – couldn’t find your uterus for a minute there!.
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