Finally, starting tonight, January 6, Tuesdays have meaning again. Our favorite funny girl, Mindy Kaling, is back with new episodes of “The Mindy Project.” Every time she speaks, I can’t help but die, because she actually says exactly what I’m thinking, or she’s teaching me the lessons I actually need to learn. Mindy learns lessons for us the hard way: by being absolutely batshit crazy. Even though we’re all at least a little bit crazy, Mindy always bites the bullet for us and teaches us that sometimes, life honestly is easy if you’re under a seven on the crazy scale. In honor of this girl’s return to TV tonight, I present to you the 22 best life lessons you’ve ever received from Mindy Lahiri.
- A best friend isn’t a person. It’s a tier.
- You have the right to life, liberty, and chicken wings.
- Your body can be very attracted to someone else’s body, even though when he speaks, your brain gets angry.
- If you’re going to be a mess, you might as well be a hot mess.
- It’s totally possible to be your own role model.
- Talking to your date about facts you only know from googling him should never happen. Okay, maybe just sometimes.
- You can do anything, as long as it’s just paying for something.
- Sometimes you just need a friend to help you fill up your bra with wine.
- If you’re going to pick a warrior name for yourself, Beyoncé Pad Thai is as good as any.
- You are NOT overweight. You just fluctuate between chubby and curvy.
- If a guy really cares about you, he’ll kiss you even when you taste like puke.
- Health is taking the escalator instead of the elevator.
- If you put down your sangria for any conversation, it’s a really fucking important one.
- Sometimes you just need to lie on the floor while your best friend feeds you sour straws.
- There are some things in life that are worse than dying alone. Wait, no. No, there aren’t.
- Eating cereal out of a wine glass just happens sometimes. Accept it.
- It’s only tattling when a little girl does it. When a hot woman does it, it’s called whistle-blowing.
- After four vodka sodas, sometimes you realize that you really do have something to say.
- Don’t say you have a “girl crush.” No one’s going to think you’re a lesbian if you just say “crush.”
- If you’re still single in five years, make a pact with your closest male friend…that you will kill each other.
- Chocolate fountains are acceptable in a professional environment. Everyone loves them.
- You are a hot, smart woman with an ass that doesn’t quit..
Nice Move479
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RecruitmentChairTSM
RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at RecruitChairTSM@gmail.com
@TheRecruitChair
