- Declare the comfiest seat in the chapter room as yours for the entire year. Make anyone who sits there sit on the floor and shame her for even thinking about sitting in your spot.
- Buy one bottle of top shelf vodka and keep refilling it with cheaper vodka to give the illusion that you only drink top shelf all the time.
- Show up exactly five minutes late to everything during syllabus week. Don’t look flustered or apologize for being late.
- Demand that your study groups meet up at happy hour and not anywhere else.
- Advise your new great-grandlittle to take a massage class. Have her give you a massage twice a week.
- “Well, when my class was on e-board, this shit would have never happened.”
- Crack open a beer during your night class.
- Refuse to participate in any icebreakers your professor suggests. Shrug and say, “People know me already.”
- Request a sherpa pledge from your favorite fraternity. Do NOT accept no as an answer.
- Always reschedule Standards meetings around your drinking schedule.
- Nominate yourself as the party DJ and play only ’90s music, early 2000s throwbacks, and Beyoncé.
- Ignore any requests.
- Address anyone younger than you as “peasant” or “peon.”
- Request a new bylaw that requires seniors to have bottomless pina coladas at chapter.
- Patiently wait until someone finishes speaking, then drop the “this chapter is going to shit” bomb. Maintain eye contact with the speaker the entire time.
- Pay all of your dues in nickels and pennies.
- Sign all your emails with “Queen” in front of your first name.
- Refuse to acknowledge anyone or anything until you’ve had your morning coffee.
- Scream, “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY WINE?” to the first underclassman you see every morning.
- If someone compliments your outfit, respond with, “Thanks, Beyoncé thought so, too, when she picked it out for me.”
- Talk about how much you love going to the shooting range in the middle of hooking up with someone new.
- Max out your sorority’s credit card on lineage letters for your entire family.
- Stand on the tallest elevated surface at every party, bar, and pregame.
Nice Move419
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Hakuna Moscato
Hakuna Moscato (@HakunaMoscato) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. and Post Grad Problems. A born and raised Maryland girl, she's obsessed with the Baltimore Ravens, Old Bay, and anything that has the Maryland flag pattern on it. She's a newly retired student-athlete and sorority girl, but not quite ready to call herself an adult, especially since she still has to be carried out of bars. With a Long Island in hand, she's ready for whatever life is throwing her way. Maybe.
@HakunaMoscato
