1. Convince the boy you’re talking to that you were born with a tail.
2. Steal your friend’s phone and set alarms for random times. Label them with various titles such as “remove stick from ass” and “apply genital rash medication.”
3. Leave a note on your neighbor’s car apologizing for hitting it with your own. Watch from your window as they try to find the damage for hours.
4. Steal a fraternity composite and return it with hotness ratings and comments such as “please reconsider the length of your sideburns.”
5. Ransack your friend’s room so she thinks she’s been robbed. Leave a huge mess but only take one shoe of each pair she owns.
6. Buy an additional remote and repeatedly turn off the TV when your friend is watching her favorite show. If you’re especially discrete, you can keep this up for months.
7. Change the “push” and “pull” signs on a set of doors to the busiest building on campus. Set up shop nearby and watch.
8. Tell your landlord you accidentally started a small fire, but were able to contain the flames to the first floor.
9. Get a new piercing and wait for the tattoo shop charge to show up on your credit card. When your mom asks about it, tell her you got a tramp stamp.
10. Sneak into as many mens’ bathrooms as you can and write your best friend’s number on the walls. Don’t forget to add that she “wants a good dicking.”
11. Steal your roommate’s keys and move her car just far enough that it’s barely noticeable. Continue doing this every day until she thinks she has gone completely insane.
12. Convince your friends that the party they’re going to tonight is themed.
13. Ask your house mom exactly how much weed you’re allowed to keep in your room.
14. Replace your friend’s shampoo with conditioner and listen to her bitch about how greasy her hair is for weeks.
15. Steal your friend’s phone and log onto Tinder. Swipe right for every guy, excluding the good looking ones.
16. Create a dating profile for one of your friends on “Christian Mingle.”
17. Tell everyone you’ve had sex with in the past five months that you’re pregnant.
18. Actually, just tell everyone you know that you’re pregnant.
19. Change the coffee to decaf and watch everyone drink multiple cups trying to wake themselves up.
20. Steal your friend’s childhood stuffed animal and leave a ransom note demanding three bottles of wine and The Notebook on DVD.
21. Text your mom an inquiry about a drug deal, and quickly follow up with a “Oh sorry wrong person.”
22. Convince your most gullible friend that Ghostbusters is a legitimate government agency.
23. Sign your most conservative friend up for a liberal newsletter..
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to [email protected].
@Lucky__Jo
@lucyjmulvihill
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