23 Things My Boyfriend Better Not Get Me For Christmas


  1. Bath and Body Works.
    I’m going to get enough of this from literally all of my acquaintances. Just don’t do it.
  2. An engagement ring.
    Definitely buy me this, but if you propose instead of getting me a real gift, I will actually kill you.
  3. A promise ring.
    We’re not five, and if I have to show this to my friends, I will literally kill myself
  4. Any sort of ring.
    What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?
  5. Lingerie.
    This is a gift for you, not me. I repeat. This is a gift for you. Not me.
  6. Any kind of exercise gear.
    Are you telling me I look fat??
  7. ….or any kind of clothing at all.
    If you think I’m really that size, it’s over.
  8. Chocolate.
    Now you’re just messing with me.
  9. Anything that can’t be exchanged for store credit.
    Let’s be honest, I didn’t start dating you for your style.
  10. A gift card.
    Good to know that two years’ worth of love and affection is worth exactly $50 from Target.
  11. Something handmade.
    I mean, you can get me this, but you’d better get me a real present too, if you know what I mean.
  12. Gloves.
    This isn’t getting you out of holding our hands in public.
  13. Fake earrings.
    Diamonds or GTFO.
  14. A picture.
    Trust me, I stalk you on Facebook everyday. I don’t need this.
  15. A watch.
    If you think this will make me be on time, you’ve never been more wrong.
  16. Anything you also bought your ex.
    You may think we don’t know. Trust us. We know.
  17. Tiffany.
    If I have to post a chain-link heart bracelet on Insta, I will literally die.
  18. A book.
    So romantic.
  19. Anything sports related.
    Yes, we told you we like sports. No, we actually don’t like sports.
  20. Socks.
    Thanks, Grandma.
  21. Donation to charity.
    Yes, that’s a good gift for someone. But does that look like a good gift for me?

  22. Stuffed animals.
    Any gift that could reasonably also be given to a five year old should never apply.

  23. Nothing
    We’re over.

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RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at [email protected]

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