- Your mother figure is the worst. And I mean, you know that everyone thinks they have a “crazy” mom, but you really do. Like lock you in a cellar or tower or some shit and try to poison you because you’re too pretty crazy. Shuts your friends up reaaaal fast when they bitch about their mom’s menopause drama.
- Your hair is your best asset, but if we’re being really, really honest…you didn’t really wake up like this, but you’ll be damned if anyone ever knows.
- You’re no stranger to falling hopelessly in love with guys in seemingly (or actually) a matter of minutes. #HopelessRomantic
- Daddy. Issues.
- It’s not that he doesn’t love you, though. He totally loves you a lot. In fact you’re way spoiled, but if he’s still alive, that’s almost part of the problem.
- You look incredible in whatever you wear, even rags.
- No shame in the midriff game. I’m looking at you, Jasmine and Ariel.
- Everyone pretends that you’re just one big Disney Princess community, but you all know there is a clear divide between the new princesses and the old princesses. Choose sides wisely.
- You didn’t feel great about letting Merida into your club, but her dad’s on the board. She’s seriously ALWAYS awkward at parties.
- You’re getting a little tired of Elsa. Like, okay, cool, everyone loves her and she
couldn’t get a husbandchose not to focus on romance, which is empowering or whatever, but give me a break at this point. Platinum has NEVER been a hair color found in nature, and you’re not just going to sit idly by as everyone praises her for her overdyed braid. - You love hanging out with Ariel, but it’s just…not at her house. It smells a little too fishy fishy. You know that difference between good beach smell and bad beach smell? Hers is the bad kind.
- Everyone can admit that Rapunzel has the hottest husband, but sneaky bitch straight REFUSES to dish about their sex life.
- And speaking of Rapunzel, her haircut was definitely the subject of an aggressive group text.
- But you hear she’s growing it back, so that’s good.
- Your sequel sucked. Unless you’re Elsaaaaaa. Probably. Ugh.
But your live action film was bomb. I mean the human adaptation chick could not hold a candle up next to you, but she still did a really bomb job retelling your story. - Everybody LOL at Megara. #NotAPrincess #CantSitWithUs
- You are so tired of your clothes and feel like you wear the same thing ALL the time, which is just absurd because you’re a fucking princess.
- You think it’s funny how many artists try to remake you into a man, a porn star, a clown, a child, a college student, a modern day girl, a different race — you name it, it’s out there. But whatever, at least they’re talking about you.
- Your fans and your subjects remain unwaveringly loyal for their entire lives. Like adult women are obsessed with you and you kind of love it.
- You love your pet more than you love most people.
- You pretend like you’re just this modest, naturally good singer, but you’ve secretly been taking lessons your whole life and delight in nothing more than shocking people at karaoke.
- You fully let your homemaking skills go the SECOND you trapped a guy into marrying you. #Sucker
- You agree. You think you’re really pretty
- Because filming your Mean Girls spoof was the most fun you’ve had, potentially ever.
And there ain’t no shame in that..
Nice Move457
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
@VeronicaRuckh
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