The great thing about the new year is that it’s a completely open slate. The possibilities are endless and we aren’t restrained by the past. In January, when looking forward to the upcoming year, anything can happen, no matter how improbable it may seem. With that in mind, I give you a list of all the possible news headlines I hope happen in 2016 (even though they probably won’t):

1. Chipotle Decides Guac Will No Longer Cost Extra, College Students Rejoice
2. Channing Tatum Divorces Wife; Says He’s ‘Ready to Mingle’
3. New Study Shows College Boys Are Looking For ‘Meaningful Relationships’
4. Destiny’s Child Enters Studio To Record New Album
5. Chik-fil-a Announces It Will Open On Sundays
6. Scientists Invent Zero Calorie Vodka
7. Sorority Girl Invents Tanning Bed That Reverses The Effects Of Skin Cancer, All Tanning Now Deemed Safe
8. Greek Organizations Hailed For Their Philanthropic Contributions
9. Justin Beiber Says He’s Done With Models, Is Looking For a ‘Normal Girl’
10. Starbucks Offers Free Coffee To College Students During Midterms
11. Trump Resigns From Election And Apologizes For Idiocy
12. Chanel Offers 75% Discount With A Valid College ID
13. New Chocolate Invented That Makes You Lose Weight
14. Thanks To A Global Effort, Peace Is Reached In The Middle East
15. Campus Sexual Assaults Reach All-Time Low Thanks To Reform
16. Blink 182 Reunites For National Tour, ’90s Kids Celebrate
17. Britney Spears And Justin Timberlake Recreate Iconic Denim Outfit At 2016 Grammys
18. Nicki Minaj Dumps Meek Mill, Says Drake Is The Man For Her
19. Kim Kardashian Shocking Confession: “My Butt Is Fake”
20. Statistics Just In, Zero School Shootings In 2016
21. Zayn Malik Accompanies Sorority Girl To Spring Formal
22. All Croc Stores Close, Company Apologizes For Their Abomination To Fashion
23. Sperry Invents Boat Shoes With Laces That Never Come Untied
24. Manziel Sobers Up, Dominates in 2016
25. Jennifer Aniston Confirms Filming Has Begun On Season 11 of Friends
26. Gene Therapy Cures Cancer Once And For All

A girl can dream, am I right?.

Image via Rob Wilson / Shutterstock.com

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ChampagneShowers

Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at: champagne_showers@outlook.com

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