New Year, new professors. You want to get on their good side while you still can. Impress them before they realize that “hungover” is now a permanent physical quality of yours. And if they’re really hot, you’ll do just about anything to get an A, amiright? Even if your professor has a less-than-fortunate appearance, it never hurts to throw out a few of these lines to help your grades. And if the professor or lab instructor really is sexy AF, go get that intellectual dick, you naughty girl, you.

1. Let’s play a game to help me understand Pearl Harbor a little better. You lay on your back and I’ll blow the hell out of you.
2. I’m not going for a PhD, but I’ll show you my Ph-double-Ds.
3. What do I have to do to earn a spanking for bad behavior?
4. I am still a little confused about the male anatomy. Will you meet me somewhere private so I can get a more hands-on tutoring session?
5. According to you and Rene Descartes, I think, therefore I am your next slam piece.
6. I’m over frat houses. Now I would rather play dirty in your office.
7. Do you Magna Cum Laude quickly?
8. If you ever want me to model naked for your next art project, I won’t even ask for extra credit.
9. How’s this for a topic sentence? I find you extremely attractive. There’s evidence in my panties.
10. The Big Bang sounds awesome. Want to recreate it?
11. If you were my homework, I would slam you down on my desk and do you.
12. You really have me interested in philosophy now. Sit down and I’ll give you a little Socra-tease.
13. Mondays are hard, just like I want you to be.
14. I might have a B in your class, but I bet I’ll make an A+ when we hit the sheets.
15. Talk nerdy to me.
16. You’re the expert here. Is that a strong gravitational feel of my bed pulling us in?
17. Have you ever visited the deserted shelves in the library? Want to?
18. I have Great Expectations for when we meet outside of your class.
19. Let’s pull an all-nighter together…reviewing each other instead of test material.
20. May your tests be as easy as I am.
21. Here’s my thesis statement: we would excel at sexual intercourse.
22. What do calculus and your dick have in common? They are both obviously hard for me.
23. You just told us the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body. We should test that out.
24. I’d like to blow your weather vane.
25. If I pretended to be Abe Lincoln, would you let me give you the Gettysburg undress?
26. Obviously I would like an A, but I would not complain if you gave me your D..

Nice Move142

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Kellie Stritz

Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.

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