As Generation Selfie, we can all admit we have a problem oddly reminiscent of narcissism. We selfie all over the place. We selfie at restaurants and we selfie in our beds. We selfie on social media. We selfie with other people. And sometimes, we selfie by ourselves, because it feels so damn good. (Do you feel dirty yet?) Normally when we selfie, it’s for a good reason. Our hair looks fantastic. Our best friend needs to see just how many chins we can make. A couple is graphically making out behind you and you just have to capture it.
Recently, a couple (or, now ex-couple) from Orlando, Fla., took social media by storm as they posted the first (or at least the first to go viral) “divorce selfie.”
Keith Hinson and Michelle Knight posted a picture of themselves and the piece of paper that says their three-year marriage is officially over to social media last week.
Everyone and their divorce attorney have their opinions of this matter, from “it’s healthy and shows maturity when it comes to ending a relationship” to “it’s a disgrace to marriage and what it stands for.”
Sure, because I’m levelheaded and not at all overdramatic, I can kind of understand both sides. When it comes down to it though, I don’t buy the picture for a second. Ending on good terms? I guess it can happen at first, when you decide to be “just friends” and that you’ll still be close as ever. Despite how nice the feelings are between the two of them, at some point, someone is going to start screwing a 22-year-old bartender and it will all be over. (My bet is on the lady. She looks like she could do the whole cougar thing.) One of them will get pissed off when the other doesn’t return a text, or when the ex-significant other posts a selfie with someone new–I mean, selfies were THEIR thing.
When it comes down to it, there are a hell of a lot of things I’d rather see posted to social media than a divorce selfie.
- Couples who are in love and feel the need to post picture after picture of them kissing in romantic locations.
- A sorority girl who kills endangered animals. (Kidding. That girl is the worst.)
- Ugly babies with captions claiming that they are beautiful.
- Someone peeing outside when he’s drunk and his asshole friend thinks it’s cool to take a picture.
- Someone peeing outside when he’s drunk and accidentally falling into his own urine and his asshole friend thinks it’s cool to take a picture.
- Food. #FoodPorn
- Sunsets with an excessive number of filers.
- Selfies of girls with inspirational quotes as captions.
- An artsy and original picture of a beer on a beach.
- A cat sleeping.
- A cat cleaning itself.
- A cat sleeping while another cat cleans it.
- A Starbucks drink with the incorrect spelling of someone’s name.
- Underage girls smiling at a bar with their right arms awkwardly behind their backs to hide their wristbands so they can avoid meeting with standards.
- Someone posing on a railroad track.
- Toes in the sand, water, or covered in paint from vigorous crafting.
- A picture of a television screen during someone’s Netflix marathon.
- Ice cream and wine with the hashtag #FridayNight.
- Ice cream and wine with the hashtag #FitFam.
- Girls lying in a circle in the grass, casually laughing with no idea at all that a camera is hovering a foot above their faces.
- Gym selfies.
- Gym videos of people squatting.
- Before and after pictures from the girl you hate who actually got really skinny.
- A picture of an awkwardly posed couple with the caption, “I’m in love with my best friend.”
- Any picture “that girl” posts.
- A wedding selfie, because no matter how much you hate the damn couple for their happiness, you like them a lot more than a couple who makes you realize that sometimes things don’t work out.
While the whole “smile because it happened” argument is fine, I’d still rather smile because I found someone who makes me happy and accepts the fact that I wear an old-fashioned retainer every night without having to shell out tons of money in divorce fees. It’s, like, no thanks, I don’t need that slap of reality. More cat videos, please.