26 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself While You’re Home This Holiday Season

26 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself At Home

With yet another holiday season upon us, college students everywhere are both anticipating and dreading going home for the most wonderful time of the year. Between questions from your extended family about your GPA and love life to running into your high school ex at the least opportune times, going home can kind of suck. If my aunt Margaret asks me one more time why I’m still single, I’ll lose it–but putting aside all the inconveniences, going home isn’t so bad. Here are a few reasons why visiting your old stopping grounds has its perks:

  1. Your mom will literally do everything for you. As much as she says she hated doing your laundry and cleaning up after you, she secretly misses it.
  2. By all means, Mom, you can do my 12 loads of laundry if you reallllly want to.
  3. Your dad will do whatever you want, and by “whatever you want,” I mean pay for everything.
  4. Pay for your own gas? Never. Buy your own alcohol? Unheard of. Your bank account will praise the sweet baby Jesus.
  5. Although they’re a little old and cooky, your grandparents are awesome people. If you still have yours, make a point to spend some time with them.
  6. I mean, these people lived through the ’70s. They have some stories if you dig deep enough.
  7. Going out with your high school friends can be refreshing. Nothing like hanging out with the girls you stole your parents’ peppermint schnapps with in eighth grade.
  8. Speaking of high school, if your ex is single (and not a total failure at life) sometimes it’s okay to play a little hanky-panky for old time’s sake.
  9. Because who doesn’t miss hooking up in a 1995 Impala in a Walmart parking lot? Oh, the memories.
  10. If you have siblings, take advantage of hanging out with them. They’re the best friends you’ll ever have if you’re doing it right.
  11. Netflix. So much Netflix.
  12. AND “FRIENDS” GETS RELEASED JANUARY 1. You’re lying if you said you weren’t raised on Phoebe’s gems of wisdom.
  13. You won’t have to buy or cook your own food or eating in a dining hall for at least two weeks.
  14. No ramen, Easy Mac, or mystery meat. Your thighs will thank you.
  15. No one at home knows of your epic failures at school, like the time you failed that test or puked in your hair.
  16. To them, you’re still the straight-A homecoming queen. Golden child forever.
  17. Among the boys you didn’t date, you’re still a hot commodity. So many self-esteem boosters, ladies.
  18. Sometimes you just need to cruise the backroads of your hometown by yourself and reevaluate your life.
  19. Speaking from experience, John Mayer and a country road at 70 mph can have healing qualities.
  20. Getting drunk with your parents. Enough said.
  21. Or, if your family is weird and twisted like mine, getting drunk and playing Cards Against Humanity with your parents AND grandparents.
  22. There is nothing better than snuggling up underneath the Christmas tree with “Fifty Shades of Grey” and hot chocolate.
  23. Family traditions are a great thing, no matter how old you are. You’re always going to appreciate them and thank your parents for them.
  24. And who doesn’t love when Santa Claus makes a visit with your favorite holiday guests, Kate Spade and David Yurman?
  25. Two words: Clark Griswald. “Christmas Vacation” is best watched with a cold beer and your dad.
  26. No matter how weird you think your family is, they’re always going to be there for you. So just let them be weird and go along for the ride. Chances are, you’re just as weird as they are.

Although going home oftentimes reminds you how horribly single you are and how you are exactly accomplished, it has an upside. So when you’re contemplating strangling your mom when she asks you when she’s going to have any grandkids, remember this list and grab a Diet Coke, a tumbler of ice, and your friends Evan and Jim.

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Bowsandbourbon is just your average southern srat star who enjoys a fifth of Makers and a Saturday morning tailgate as much as the next girl. In her spare time she enjoys needlepointing, correcting other people's grammar, convincing her parents that she isn't going to die alone, and planning out her future children's wardrobes on Pinterest. She aspires to be the next Carrie Bradshaw and hopes that her embarrassing life makes somebody else feel better about themselves. Peace and blessins' y'all.

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