Starbucks has released the PSL. Boutiques are selling fancy ass sweaters. Professors are wild-eyed and crazy making the first exams. A leaf fell somewhere and its corpse is lying on the ground. It’s fucking fall, bitches. And if you want as much attention as boys give Fantasy Football, your ass better be able to throw some nice Fall pickup lines just as smoothly as Tom Brady throws a football. Don’t know how to do that? We’ve got you covered.

1. Can I bob for your apples?
2. Ten bucks if you can find which part of my body is the warmest.
3. I might be wearing a North Face, but I’ll still go down south.
4. Do you want to touchdown in my end zone?
5. I can give you something to be thankful for.
6. Pumpkin pie isn’t the only thing I want in my mouth.
7. You be a zombie, and I’ll let you eat me.
8. I like your football jersey, but I’d like it even more on my floor.
9. The turkey isn’t the only thing that’ll need stuffing this year.
10. Sweater weather? As long as you’re around things will surely heat up.
11. If you don’t have enough leaves to jump in, you can just jump in me instead.
12. There’s still a big Labor Day sale going on in my bedroom. Clothes are 100% off!
13. Instead of candy this year, can you just give me your number?
14. Do you play football? Because you’ve got a tight end.
15. I’m not a pumpkin, but I’ll let you stick your hand in me anyway.
16. I want to wrap around you tighter than a blanket.
17. Forget the hay. I just want to ride you.
18. I’m no vampire, but I’m fine with getting no sleep and sucking on your neck all night.
19. Did you lose your scarf? I can just wrap my legs around your head instead.
20. Let’s make like a bonfire and get things fired up.
21. My left leg is Halloween and my right leg is Thanksgiving. Want to visit me in between the holidays?
22. That puddle isn’t the only thing that’s wet right now.
23. I’d gobble you up.
24. I want s’more of your dick.
25. Bath & Body Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin lotion isn’t the only creamy substance I’ll let you put on me.
26. If your hands are cold, it’s warm under my thighs.
27. I’m going to go ahead and call you “Winter” because pretty soon you’ll be coming.

Nice Move229

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Kellie Stritz

Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.

• @kelliestritz
• @kelliemariestritz
• Kelliemarieee