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29 Signs You’ve Been Single For Far Too Long

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Ah, a drought–not of the rain variety, but of the relationship variety. It’s a time of singledom that goes on a little bit longer than you would like. While there are certain things that are great about not dating someone (the freedom, the personal time, the lack of needing to wear pants) there comes a point when being single for too long can turn into a downward spiral of habits that may be red flags for any potential boyfriend. So, if many of these apply to you, you may need to start looking for a relationship, stat.

  1. Your idea of fine dining is stopping at Chipotle on your way home.
  2. And then eating your burrito in the bath. With a glass of wine.
  3. You’ve become pretty handy with power tools, and not just the kinds that fix stuff.
  4. The only man you get a Valentine’s Day card from is your dad.
  5. You find yourself talking about your dog just a little bit too much.
  6. The horrible sex you used to have with your ex doesn’t seem so bad now.
  7. You book a weekly massage just so you can remember what human touch feels like.
  8. All of the dating apps on your phone are in a folder titled “haha.”
  9. You’re steadily working your way through an economy box of batteries.
  10. The woman at the liquor store has stopped asking if you’re having a party when you run in for your usual weekend wine stock-up.
  11. You’ve started buying men’s deodorant just so you can smell a man every once in a while.
  12. You’re in your pajamas within 15 minutes of getting home, because no one besides your roommate is going to see you anyway.
  13. The only guy who’s been in your bed recently is Stanley, your teddy bear from second grade.
  14. You totally relate to the episode of “Sex and the City” where Miranda calls TiVo her boyfriend–that’s how you feel about Netflix.
  15. The barista at your Starbucks with the facial tattoo is starting to look better and better to you.
  16. Your friends don’t even bother to ask you for dating advice anymore.
  17. Recommendations on boxed wine and burrito takeout? Yes. Dating? No.
  18. Your least favorite sentence in the English language: “It will happen when you least expect it!”
  19. The only man you have shaved your legs for recently is your gynecologist.
  20. They’ve stopped putting a second set of chopsticks in your Chinese takeout order.
  21. You bought one of those stick figure families for your car…and cut out everyone but the lady.
  22. The only men in the pictures on your phone are ones you’re related to.
  23. You fear the thought of getting a boyfriend because you don’t want to share your bed. Or your wine. Or your pizza.
  24. It’s a given that it’s your job to hold the dog in the annual family holiday photo.
  25. Your mom keeps sending you “recipes for one.”
  26. There is not a single outfit in your closet that you’d wear on a date.
  27. You’ve considering joining FarmersOnly. Farmers can be hot, right?
  28. Your date for the last few Friday nights? Your couch.
  29. And it’s starting to get an indent from your ass.

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, and documenting her love of all things cheese related. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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