How a guy treats his mother may be the single most important thing to look at in a guy when you’re thinking of a potential future anything with him. If he can’t respect the woman who gave him life and probably did just about everything for him until this point, there is a serious problem. However, some guys are like a little bit weird about it. Mama’s boys are a force to be reckoned with, mainly because Mama is going to have a hard time giving up her baby boy to another woman. Especially a woman who will undoubtedly be giving him something she will not (read: blow jobs). It’s an uncomfortable rivalry when you don’t get along with her, and it’s her goal to make sure that he doesn’t need you because he has his Mommy. She’s had years and years of experience manipulating your mutual boy while you’re just learning how to control his mind, so I’m inclined to say it’s a losing battle. The following are three subtle signs that you might have a Mama’s boy on your hands.
His Room is Lavishly Decorated
A few decorative pieces that most likely came from his parents’ house before they redecorated combined with a stupid poster that doesn’t match anything else in sight is fine. But if you’re looking at a room out of Home and Garden Magazine, you might be in trouble, toots. I promise you he didn’t hire an interior decorator to design is single in college. Guys do not care about aesthetics. Mommy dearest knew he was living in a frat house, but heavens, it doesn’t have to look like it! She came in, vamped the place up in a style entirely conflicting your own, and made him believe that excessive plaid was the way to make a house a home. Convincing him that mother may not know best and that her design skills are outdated will not only be a tremendous amount of work, but will also cause that awkward “you don’t like my mom?” thing. Beware.
He Wears Pajama Pants
No male between the ages of birth and 99 has ever purchased a pair of pajama pants for himself. Ever. Most guys are perfectly content sleeping in their birthday suits, a pair of boxer briefs, or more than likely the khakis they wore out that night. The thought of spending their fathers’ hard-earned money on something other than alcohol seems pointless. If he has pajama pants, there is a 100% chance that they came from his mother. As if sleeping next to a guy wearing penguin flannel wasn’t already a turn-off, the thought that his mom is like almost here with us right now makes it infinitely worse.
The Contents of His Refrigerator
If there is anything in his fridge other than milk passed the expiration date, a pizza box with one and a half remaining slices, and the cold-cuts that you brought over yourself, you might have a problem. Anything in tupperware that doesn’t seem like throwing it out would be a better option than eating it means that his mother is not only doing all of his cooking, but is regularly visiting him. The only guys that cook are culinary students, which by its own right feels a little bit weird to me, and the only guys that save leftovers are a little too effeminate for my taste anyway.
Not that by any means a guy having a good relationship with his mother is a bad thing. These are just a few early signs that the umbilical cord might still need to be cut. When he starts ditching you to hang out with her and making comments about how his mother would feel about a situation, shit gets a little weird. It shouldn’t be a competition for his attention, there is a place for both of you in his life…But you should absolutely come in first.
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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