Cons
1. Your back always hurts.
2. Saying your back always hurts sounds like it’s just an excuse to bitch.
3. You look fat in a t-shirt.
4. You look slutty in a tank top.
5. When you see your A-cup bestie’s one-finger-to-cover nips, you start to get self-conscious.
6. Going bra-less is a luxury you’ll never experience outside the home.
7. The realization that you probably won’t be able to wear a backless dress at your wedding.
8. The VS associates don’t actually know shit about finding you the right bra.
9. String bikinis…easier said than done.
10. Boob envy: it’s like penis envy for the itty bitty titty committee, which, by the way, is out for blood.
11. That one girl friend who always wants to poke them.
12. That one guy friend who always wants to see them.
13. The “my eyes are up here” phenomenon.
14. You know pregnancy won’t be kind to them.
15. That moment he tells you he’s an ass man.
16. Slightly more difficult to get respect from…well, everyone.
17. “Come on, please! Just one pic! I promise I won’t show anyone!”
18. Running becomes a dangerous activity.
19. Motor-boating…it’s not sexy, and it’s not funny.
20. You either muffin-top out of your cute bras or graduate to a thick-strap full-coverage. (Hint: The advice “never graduate” extends to this scenario).
21. You’re pestered for rush boobs.
22. People assume you’re easy.
23. You haven’t worn anything that ties around your neck since the eighth grade.
24. They feel heavy like bowling balls, and just as painful, before your period.
25. That time you were fitted at a specialty store and found out you were actually something outrageous like a 32E but chose to ignore it.
26. It’s always your identifier.
27. Not all bras and swimsuits need THAT much padding.
28. “Are they real?”
29. “…Prove it.”
30. Every guy you hook up with wants to “try this cool thing” with you…and the “cool thing” is always titty-fucking…and it’s never cool.
Pro
1. You have big boobs, and that’s all that matters.
Nice Move549
Respond
Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
@VeronicaRuckh
vmruckh
veronica@grandex.co
