1. You’re tired of seeing “I miss your faceeeee. Counting down the days until we reunite. Skype date?” posts on facebook (unless they’re yours).
2. You can’t hang up with your mom in life.
3. You spent your entire summer buying clothes, and have had nowhere to wear them.
4. Somehow making out in a dirty frat basement is STILL more appealing than making out in someone’s parents’ basement.
5. You want to see if Mr. Somebody is going to text you.
6. You want to prove to yourself that you really are over Mr. Nobody.
7. Your parents think that just because a silly little thing like “the law” states you can’t legally drink, that means you shouldn’t do it.
8. You’ve perfected your get-asked-to-a-fraternity-formal technique and won’t even have to entertain the idea of going to a bottom-tier this time.
9. PC’12PC’12OMIGAHHHSOOOHOTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10. The staple bar on campus is your favorite place in the world.
11. Wine Wednesdays are just not the same with your pillow pet as they are with your sisters.
12. You can’t cuddle via Skype.
13. You have nothing left to craft from Pinterest.
14. Your Little needs you.
15. You miss having sex your boyfriend.
16. You’ve started recycling old profile pictures because you haven’t been tagged in super cuties in so long.
17. The local chapter of your sorority is…well…different from your chapter. Wearing letters can get weird.
18. The social hierarchy between geeds and Greeks is less prominent at home, and that social hierarchy was kind of working for you.
19. You don’t have a frat house next door to give your baked goods to…so you’ve been eating them.
20. You’ve been DYING for a bacon, egg, and cheese…I mean, low-fat chicken salad on a whole wheat bagel with the center scooped out at the bagel shop on campus.
21. At school you have 100+ closets. At home you have one.
22. You miss college football. Ok, so you don’t. But you miss college football tailgates.
23. Your high school boyfriend, or worse, his mother, might be around the corner at any minute.
24. That girl who like used to be your really great friend, but then you grew up and she kind of got a little weird, but your moms are still friends, and she doesn’t totally know that she got weird, so you get together for like coffee and/or gossip every so often, but after 30 minutes of being around her you just want to commit su? Yeah, she doesn’t exist at school.
25. Even though you’ve been referring to them as your roommates to make the situations seem less dismal, your parents aren’t really the ideal companions for when you want to do a late-night Gossip Girl marathon with chips and salsa.
26. Your younger brother REFUSES to take on his role as temporary pledge bitch and give you sober rides whenever you want.
27. Your favorite fraternity is already illegally courting you for Homecoming.
28. 50 Shades of Grey was the highlight of your sex life this summer.
29. You are craving a themed party like a pregnant woman craves pickles and ice cream.
30. No other people in the world “get it” like your sisters do, and all you want is to be back with them. Plus, you already have a really cute reunion album title.
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
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