- Shit, why am I doing this again?
- Oh right, because I can’t afford a sixth year here.
- What outfit is most appropriate for bribing a professor?
- I don’t wanna look like a try-hard.
- But I don’t think my shack shirts and sunglasses are making the best impression on this prof.
- Is it bad if I walk in with Starbs?
- Should I bring him Starbs too or is that too kiss-ass?
- Do professors even drink coffee or do they just pop lots of Adderall?
- I can’t believe this dude failed me.
- I went to class at least seven times and actively participated in all the discussions about marijuana legalization.
- He’s def just one of those anti-Greek Life haters.
- I knew I shouldn’t have worn letters every day.
- Or set Bid Day pics as my laptop wallpaper.
- If standards puts me on probation because of this…
- Except that’s not gonna happen because I’m going to calmly explain the situation to him.
- He’ll totes understand, professors were college kids too once right?
- Annndd he’s already giving me a death glare.
- Wish I brought my big for moral support.
- Or my entire pledge class.
- If only my studying skills were as good as my crafting skills.
- Or even my persuasion skills.
- Those somehow only kick in on Pref night or when I’m arguing with the bartender about how weak the vodka Redbulls are.
- Okay, time to bring on the waterworks.
- Please pity me, oh wise and scholarly one, for I am merely a product of my highly distracting social environment.
- Well, he clearly lacks any sympathy.
- Time to switch gears.
- Dear God, Standards, Ghost of Joan Rivers whoever’s up there and can hear me: I will never skip to dage again, I promise.
- Never again will I trade happy hour for study hours.
- OMG PLEASE this is my only chance to graduate in five years.
- D. Yup, I’ll take it. D’s get degrees.
- At least I fucking hope they do..
Nice Move177
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Kristen Simonelli is a Monmouth University Student, Writer, Advocate, and Sorority Woman. As a frequently featured columnist on various contemporary online media platforms, Kristen's philosophy of raising awareness for neglected social issues is personified through her written work with the intention of cultivating a voice for individuals who are unable to speak up for themselves. Feedback and professional inquiries for Kristen may be fowarded to her directly via email at kristen.e.simonelli@gmail.com
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