1. When we’re babies, we’re about the cutest things you’ve ever seen. EVER.
2. Yes, we’ll wear the bow, but that doesn’t mean we’ll like it.
3. And don’t try to dress us up in dumb outfits and expect us to not lash out. We wear what we want, which is usually no pants.
4. Depending on how we’re treated in our teenage years, we’ll either end up being purrfectly sweet or a raging asshole.
5. If we change our plans to pay attention to you, you know we really care.
6. We won’t automatically love you like the basic dog bitches. You have to earn our respect.
7. We nap.
8. A lot.
9. Preferably in the sun.
10. We’re abnormally soft.
11. We pride ourselves on our hair: its cleanliness, its texture, how very much we shed.
12. Oh, and on that note: don’t. get. our. hair. wet.
13. We know exactly how we like to be pet.
14. And we aren’t opposed to heavy petting when the time is right.
15. But if you rub us the wrong way, we have no problem lashing out at you.
16. You never really know what we’re thinking.
17. Sometimes we love you, sometimes we fucking hate you.
18. We hiss when we don’t get our way.
19. We’re picky about who we hang out with–and we prefer that to be no one.
20. We aren’t above clawing bitches who get in our way, look at us the wrong way, or think they can step all over us.
21. We’ll literally sit on you to make you pay attention to us.
22. We’ll eat whatever we want, even if it isn’t ours.
23. We may be small, but we instill fear in those bigger than us.
24. We get super hyper for about 15 minutes, then lie in awkward positions on the floor for the rest of the day.
25. We are a big fan of bags of green herbs.
26. We’re way, WAY too curious for our own good.
27. We literally don’t give a shit about what you do unless it hurts us, excludes us, or you don’t feed us when we beg for it.
28. Sorry, we won’t drool over your friends like they’re awesome, because they most likely aren’t.
29. In reality, we’ll avoid being social and lie in your bed, lady parts up, until you come and play with us.
30. We’ll hook up with a tomcat in the black of night who we wouldn’t brush against in the light of day.
31. We like to stay neat and clean, but sometimes we just have to squat behind a bush when we’ve had one too many.
32. We’re the classiest cats you’ll ever meet. At least, we’ll make you believe that we are. What can we say? We’re purrfect.

Image via Quick Meme

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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