33 Idiotic Things Drunk Guys Do That Will Never Make Sense To Girls


  1. Kick down perfectly functioning doors.
  2. Jump on and destroy folding tables.
  3. Throw TVs and various furniture off of balconies, just for shits and gigs.
  4. Drink dip spit for money/pride.
  5. Write shit on the walls.
  6. Smash bottles.
  7. Steal shit, like street signs, traffic cones, and your virginity.
  8. Fight each other.
  9. Attempt karaoke, though they know they cannot sing.
  10. Piss on appliances and electronics.
  11. Piss on all of the things, really.
  12. Text every female in their phone for the slim chance of getting laid.
  13. Light shit on fire.
  14. Overshare intimate details of their lives with Uber drivers.
  15. Wrestle.
  16. Tell guys they don’t really like, “I love you, man.”
  17. Get arrested.
  18. Whip out their dicks and/or testicles.
  19. Have sex with ugly chicks.
  20. Punch holes in walls.
  21. Make existing holes in walls significantly larger.
  22. Pass out with their heads in toilets.
  23. Haze younger, lesser men.
  24. Cocaine.
  25. Tell strangers the story of their life.
  26. Experiment with fire extinguishers.
  27. Pick up women and carry them around like vikings.
  28. Sing “Wagon Wheel” absurdly loudly.
  29. Eat copious amounts of Taco Bell.
  30. Impulse buy shit they don’t need from Amazon.
  31. Vomit in inappropriate places.
  32. Like in the sink. And in your hair.
  33. Decide to take spontaneous naps in the middle of sidewalks and parking lots.

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to

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