33 Reasons Your Best Friend Is Drunk Crying

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1. Dominoes forgot the ranch.

2. Her skinny jeans are really constricting and you won’t let her take her pants off.

3. Her one night stand from three years ago still hasn’t called.

4. You ran out of alcohol.

5. Her big is going to graduate soon and she can’t fathom college life without her.

6. Her dog died.

7. …Six years ago. But it still hurts.

8. Her boyfriend refuses to grow hair long enough for a man bun.

9. Pumpkin Spice Lattes will soon be out of season.

10. She can’t find her cell phone, for the tenth time in the past hour.

11. She never got to hook up with her RA freshman year.

12. You told her she’s being annoying, because she’s being annoying.

13. She really has to pee but doesn’t want to move.

14. Big left Carrie at the altar because Charlotte’s awful daughter stole Carrie’s phone.

15. You (rightfully) cut her off.

16. She has absolutely zero idea what she’s going to do with her degree.

17. Rumor has it a girl in your chapter with bigger boobs bought the same formal dress as her.

18. Her ex’s new girlfriend is really ugly.

19. Her ex’s new girlfriend is really pretty.

20. Her ex’s new girlfriend exists.

21. Her sock bun looked decent at the beginning of the night, but has since become so messy that she is convinced tiny woodland creatures will attempt to nest in it.

22. She still hasn’t fully recovered from “A Walk To Remember.”

23. Bank of America emailed her to remind her that she has no money.

24. She just loves you SO. MUCH.

25. A man did something he assumed was perfectly acceptable.

26.She forgot to close her tab (again).

27. She sent too many eggplant emojis to the boy she’s texting and he’s getting irritated.


29. She has suddenly realized that she actually does not like her new haircut.

30. She scuffed her boots.

31. She also spilled on her shirt.

32. Actually, her entire outfit is pretty much fucked.

33. She doesn’t want to go to bed yet, but you told her “tough shit” and tucked her in anyway.

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to

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