- Whether it’s animal print or Lilly Pulitzer, we’re both obsessed with patterns that can objectively only be described as tacky.
- Most people hate our accents, but we purposely put them on thicker anyway, because we think they’re attractive.
- The women feel an inherent need to feed the men.
- And to keep our homes spotless.
- We feel naked without a good tan.
- Some of the men’s fashion choices are absolutely absurd.
- #Selfie was written about members of both groups.
- “I’m the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet.”
- House music gets us going.
- You’ll find the guys rocking no sleeves, and the girls being more attracted to them for it.
- Family over everything.
- In no other American cultures do the men care about their shoes just as much as the women.
- Foreign and southern grandfathers tend to be politically incorrect.
- Foreign and southern grandmothers tend to wonder why the hell you’re not married yet.
- Big. Hair.
- We regularly describe the guy we’re into as “such a fucking asshole,” because, well, he is.
- Our tolerance is impossibly high as is our love for partying.
- The fact that we pull is a point of pride.
- We take pride in our ability to walk in heels…and more pride in the fact that we know we look damn good in them.
- The entire population consistently hates us, and we take that to mean we’re elite.
- We’re offended by people who leave the house without makeup.
- Our mothers are the most nurturing women we know, but we can all agree that they’re batshit crazy.
- Terms like “low-maintenance” or “down to Earth” are insulting to us.
- We feel most comfortable dancing when we’re on elevated surfaces.
- Hell hath no fury like a sorority girl…or a guidette scorned.
- Our relationships with our fathers are only rivaled by our relationship with their credit cards.
- Whether it’s a blow-out or a frat swoop, our boys take pride in their ridiculous haircuts.
- We have a tendency to overdress.
- Blacking out is not an accident. It’s a goal.
- The women are judgey as shit, because they legitimately believe it’s only slutty if someone else does it.
- We’re a bunch of brand whores. Different brands, but brand whores.
- Our guys would be humiliated if we tried to pay for our own drinks while they were there.
- We both have an inexplicable obsession with the ‘80s despite never having lived during them.
- Despite our hedonistic lifestyles, we feel we have a moral high ground because we never miss church.
Nice Move339
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]
@VeronicaRuckh
@VeronicaRuckh
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