I don’t know who started the rumor that spring is the season when love is in the air, but let me be the first to tell you people that’s a lie. Spring is the time for babies to be born and there is nothing that breaks up a relationship faster than a destroyed vagina and a crying poop machine. This being said, summer is the real season of love (and by love I obviously mean season of tequila-induced summer romances). While all your friends may be raving about how in love they are with their summer flings, there’s a solid chance you are currently sitting on the sidelines cuddling up with a Chipotle burrito. And that’s okay. You’re actually the real winner here, because when summer ends, school starts and all your currently “wifed up” friends will run smack dab into the brick wall I like to call “the single life.”

The funny thing about being single is it’s kind of like a haircut so bad you want to shave your head but that eventually grows on you in an unusual sort of way. While all your friends are sobbing brokenheartedly over tubs of Blue Bell you will still be cruising status quo. While you can slightly sadistically look forward to that moment of harsh reality for your frenemies in the near future, you might find yourself pondering how the fuck you’re going to stay happy while having to watch your friends fall head over heels this summer. Ponder no more. Because all of this is better than falling in love.

1. Having a flawless contour.
2. Having the ability to shamelessly shove an entire burrito into your mouth without having to worry about getting naked in front of someone sober later.
3. Having the ability to go weeks without shaving if you so wish.
4. Making out with random hotties at the bar.
5. Wearing body con dresses and having hotties check out the booty.
6. Blasting and singing throwback Avril Lavigne with your girls in the car.
7. Finding designer jeans at Nordstrom Rack.
8. Taking that fourth shot of tequila.
9. That one that officially makes you cross over into your drunk alter ego.
10. Walking into a club with your girls and feeling all eyes move to you.
11. Having the ability to shotgun a beer faster than all the boys
12. Having an entire bed to yourself to sprawl out in.
13. Being able to dress as slutty as you want without facing male judgement.
14. Not feeling obligated to fake orgasms.
15. Not feeling pressured into watching the rerun Cowboys game instead of the new KUWTK episode.
16. Dropping weight because you can invest calories in booze instead of dinner dates.
17. Talking your way our of a speeding ticket
18. Sweet talking a security guard or bouncer to let you in to an exclusive event.
19. Getting a massage.
20. Eating greasy food while drunk at 2am.
21. Earning a shacker shirt after hooking up with a top tier frat.
22. Finding out Starbucks brought back your favorite drink.
23. Getting an A on an exam you thought you failed.
24. Getting back your STD test and finding out you are negative for all STDs.
25. Putting on a pair of old jeans just to realize they are too big.
26. Lying your way out of punishments in a standards meeting.
27. Finishing a juice cleanse.
28. Landing the internship you wanted.
29. Using a new eyeshadow palate for the first time.
30. Watching the guy you just met at the bar drop his pants to revel something Magnum worthy.
31. Winning free tickets to a concert.
32. A negative on a pregnancy test.
33. Drinking an entire bottle of wine.
34. Seeing your big while drunk at a bar..

Nice Move740

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Blonde_boozy

My life is pretty much one big awkward embarrassing moment. Dream-self is a cross between Amy Schumer and Serena Van der Woodsen. I like LITs a little too much and am standards board's worst nightmare. If you don't party on Tuesdays then what's the point of college..? Feel free to email me funny stories and Memes because I love to laugh and there's a chance I might be able to make you laugh too. blondeboozy@gmail.com xo

• @blondeboozy