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36 Reasons Why Boys Are Completely Incapable Of Being Grownups

36 Reasons Why Boys Are Completely Incapable Of Being Grownups

Alright, let’s all be honest for a second. While we might say things that are kinda true, semi-true, or even “YAAAAAAS” true, what is one thing that will never, without a doubt, be nothing but 100 percent accurate? Men are so immature.

“Ugh, will they ever grow up?” “Oh my God, is he serious?” “I literally hang out with a twelve-year-old in an adult body” “ARE YOU FUCKING TWELVE YEARS OLD GROW THE FUCK UP.”

Chances are, you probably think that every time you hang out with a guy. I mean, have mercy on them — they can’t help that they still think they really could be an NFL quarterback if they wanted to, or that they have the driving capabilities of a NASCAR driver. Let’s not forget all the times they said they could be a professional drinker as they piss themselves on a couch.

We all know that girls mature faster, and it’s hilarious that men don’t realize that. You need reassurance that men don’t mature past twelve years old? Oh, where do I begin?

  1. They touch their dicks every five seconds.
  2. They can’t even make a decent sandwich by themselves.
  3. When they catch a cold, they’re convinced they’re dying.
  4. “Sorry, what did you say? Yeah, I missed that, but did you see that huge truck that just drove by?!”
  5. The only thing funnier to them than burping is farting.
  6. But nothing can beat the hilarity of poop.
  7. “Bet you I can throw this muffin farther than you.”
  8. If it was up to them, they’d eat pizza every day for every meal.
  9. Though they might mix it up every once in a while with some Mickey D’s.
  10. A productive day to them is making a giant straw so they don’t have to move to drink.
  11. They want what they want right NOW.
  12. Because God forbid they should wait .5 seconds for anything.
  13. Aren’t girls supposed to have the worst hissy fits? LOL, YEAH OKAY.
  14. “Hey, pull my finger.”
  15. They show that they care for you by annoying the shit out of you.
  16. They still think, “well, you’re a girl,” is an acceptable argument.
  17. They still can’t win an argument if their dick depended on it.
  18. The concept of boobs completely mystifies and intrigues them.
  19. Add “no balls” to any dare and they will do it, no questions asked.
  20. They use their phones for porn, sports, and playing video games, but have no idea how to text.
  21. Which brings me to VIDEO. FUCKING. GAMES.
  22. No, please continue to play and ignore me, I’ll just be here.
  23. Seriously, they can’t stop touching their dicks.
  24. “Okay, double or nothing on that muffin toss.”
  25. You could probably crack their blankets in half.
  26. Definitely their socks.
  27. And no, they’ll never realize that porn isn’t real.
  28. Or even close to being realistic.
  29. “Ew, is that a MUSHROOM?”
  30. “I’m not touching that if it has mushrooms!”
  31. Yet they’ll eat a live cicada for $5.
  32. They think things like off-roading buggys are great investments.
  33. Even if they live in a city.
  34. They’re the reason why shows like Jackass have to say “DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME” every two minutes.
  35. According to them, Billy Madison is not just a movie, but a guidebook on how to live THE life.
  36. You hope one day they’ll grow up, but, well, let’s be honest. LOL.

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Hakuna Moscato

Hakuna Moscato (@HakunaMoscato) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. and Post Grad Problems. A born and raised Maryland girl, she's obsessed with the Baltimore Ravens, Old Bay, and anything that has the Maryland flag pattern on it. She's a newly retired student-athlete and sorority girl, but not quite ready to call herself an adult, especially since she still has to be carried out of bars. With a Long Island in hand, she's ready for whatever life is throwing her way. Maybe.

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