Alright, let’s all be honest for a second. While we might say things that are kinda true, semi-true, or even “YAAAAAAS” true, what is one thing that will never, without a doubt, be nothing but 100 percent accurate? Men are so immature.
“Ugh, will they ever grow up?” “Oh my God, is he serious?” “I literally hang out with a twelve-year-old in an adult body” “ARE YOU FUCKING TWELVE YEARS OLD GROW THE FUCK UP.”
Chances are, you probably think that every time you hang out with a guy. I mean, have mercy on them — they can’t help that they still think they really could be an NFL quarterback if they wanted to, or that they have the driving capabilities of a NASCAR driver. Let’s not forget all the times they said they could be a professional drinker as they piss themselves on a couch.
We all know that girls mature faster, and it’s hilarious that men don’t realize that. You need reassurance that men don’t mature past twelve years old? Oh, where do I begin?
- They touch their dicks every five seconds.
- They can’t even make a decent sandwich by themselves.
- When they catch a cold, they’re convinced they’re dying.
- “Sorry, what did you say? Yeah, I missed that, but did you see that huge truck that just drove by?!”
- The only thing funnier to them than burping is farting.
- But nothing can beat the hilarity of poop.
- “Bet you I can throw this muffin farther than you.”
- If it was up to them, they’d eat pizza every day for every meal.
- Though they might mix it up every once in a while with some Mickey D’s.
- A productive day to them is making a giant straw so they don’t have to move to drink.
- They want what they want right NOW.
- Because God forbid they should wait .5 seconds for anything.
- Aren’t girls supposed to have the worst hissy fits? LOL, YEAH OKAY.
- “Hey, pull my finger.”
- They show that they care for you by annoying the shit out of you.
- They still think, “well, you’re a girl,” is an acceptable argument.
- They still can’t win an argument if their dick depended on it.
- The concept of boobs completely mystifies and intrigues them.
- Add “no balls” to any dare and they will do it, no questions asked.
- They use their phones for porn, sports, and playing video games, but have no idea how to text.
- Which brings me to VIDEO. FUCKING. GAMES.
- No, please continue to play and ignore me, I’ll just be here.
- Seriously, they can’t stop touching their dicks.
- “Okay, double or nothing on that muffin toss.”
- You could probably crack their blankets in half.
- Definitely their socks.
- And no, they’ll never realize that porn isn’t real.
- Or even close to being realistic.
- “Ew, is that a MUSHROOM?”
- “I’m not touching that if it has mushrooms!”
- Yet they’ll eat a live cicada for $5.
- They think things like off-roading buggys are great investments.
- Even if they live in a city.
- They’re the reason why shows like Jackass have to say “DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME” every two minutes.
- According to them, Billy Madison is not just a movie, but a guidebook on how to live THE life.
- You hope one day they’ll grow up, but, well, let’s be honest. LOL..