There are no winners in a breakup, merely two mature adults going their separate ways. Whoever thinks this is lying to themselves. Everything in life is a competition, and even the most civil of breakups have a “winner.” If you’re unsure if you won the breakup, here are a few tell-tale signs.

1. He still drunk texts you “I miss us.”
2. Even worse, he sober texts you.
3. He has asked “When did you fall out of love with me?”
4. Or he has admitted breaking up with you was a huge mistake.
5. To which you replied, “Who’s this?” because you’d already deleted his number.
6. You kept the friend group.
7. You got to keep your favorite bar/hangout.
8. He got arrested for a misdemeanor.
9. He went crazy and got a tattoo or grew a pedo mustache.
10. He’s not graduating on time.
11. He no longer knows how to dress well.
12. He gained weight.
13. Like, a lot of weight.
14. His mom still asks about you.
15. His siblings are still friends with you.
16. You moved on first.
17. Your new boyfriend/fuck buddy/FWB is way hotter than him.
18. Or you’ve a different boy each weekend because you’re finally able to have fun again.
19. You met his new girlfriend/fuck buddy/significant other and you didn’t feel any jealously.
20. Because you’re way prettier than her.
21. And she looks like she could be his sister.
22. But with a super annoying, nasally voice.
23. Sean Mendez’s “Treat You Better” isn’t on your playlist.
24. Or any breakup songs for that matter.
25. You’re still his fraternity’s sweetheart.
26. You creeped his social media and his life is boring.
27. He thinks all your subtweets are about him.
28. You’re still in his featured photos while you deleted all the photos of him.
29. He’s still posting sad things or articles about how modern dating is stupid.
30. But he still likes all your Instas.
31. He RSVPs yes to events immediately after you do.
32. His Tinder bio makes you question why you dated in the first place.
33. In fact, you swiped left before realizing it was him.
34. Meanwhile, you’ve matched with all of his friends.
35. But none of your friends would touch him.
36. He peaked when he had you..

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Snarky Srat

My hobbies and interests include everything that won't make me money. Now accepting rich husband applications.