38 Thoughts That Run Through A Reckless Driver’s Mind

Reckless Driver

Some driver’s skills (or lack thereof) basically scare the shit out of anyone who is in the car with them. Between figuring out the meaning of stoplights and zooming past cops, it’s obvious why the passengers hold onto dear life. How can one person be that terrible behind the wheel? What are they possibly contemplating when they are in the driver’s seat?

  1. LOL why does that stop sign recommend I stop here? Nobody is even around.
  2. OMG do I have split ends??? I got my hair cut like three weeks ago!
  3. “The Blindside” is just a really good movie starring Sandra Bullock.
  4. *Hits car* I prefer my dad doesn’t find out about this one. *drives away*
  5. Oh I didn’t exercise today, so dancing in the car is totally understandable.
  6. These speed bumps are really ruining my vibe.
  7. So the dashboard isn’t meant for my foot?
  8. I have no idea where I would be in life without Siri.
  9. Like seriously, not sure WHERE I would be. Possibly in a desert with no froyo.
  10. So grateful they put a mirror in this vehicle. I hate bad hair days and really need it.
  11. I am so baffled/honored Tiffany just gave me the keys to her car. Regardless, she’s puking up vodka right now and I’m sober. But still….
  12. OW OW!! Look at that sexy dude in the truck next to me. Maybe racing him will impress him. Guys like girls who are into cars and shit.
  13. Holy cow! Look of these new Snapchat filters! I need to try them all out like ASAP.
  14. Why do these construction workers always look so scared of me? I did my makeup today.
  15. Did that asshole really just have the micro-testicles to cut me off? Totally tweeting this.
  16. This sandwich is giving me a foodgasm. The Twittersphere needs to know about this as well.
  17. Why are school speed limits even a thing? Those young human beings should yield to me. Respect your elders.
  18. It’s probably safer if I just pull through this parking spot. Chances are if I park too close to another car I will hit it when I leave.
  19. Oh hell yes! I’ve already been pulled over by this cop before and he loved me so much. He will for sure let me off with another warning. No worries.
  20. Why do I always forget my sunglasses? It’s beyond sunny lately.
  21. I learned this dance move in a music video.
  22. No train, no problem. I can fly over the train tracks and stop on them. What’s the harm?
  23. Hills are so stupid.
  24. Road signs are for pussies.
  25. Ugh. I’m going to have to apologize for being late AGAIN because Katie didn’t give me good directions and Siri is being a total bitch and not helping.
  26. Thank God for streetlights. I forgot to turn my headlights on again.
  27. I’m exhausted. Nobody is around. Resting my eyes for just a few seconds won’t hurt anyone.
  28. Officer Slap Dick pulled me over like last week and was a total douche. Why is he so obsessed with me?
  29. No I won’t be sorry if I hit that skateboarder. He shouldn’t be in my way.
  30. *Hops curb* Whoops. That curve was too sharp!
  31. It’s very possible I just “accidentally” cut off that woman who was closer to the drive-through than I was. Oh well. It’s Starbucks. She will understand.
  32. Does Sam really think he can get away with hanging out with that tramp Lauren? I’m literally looking at her Instagram picture right now. We’re over for good this time.
  33. The speed limit hasn’t slowed down for these curves, so I shouldn’t either.
  34. HAHAHA that cat video Casey just sent me is fucking hilarious. My eyelids literally hurt from laughing so hard. I have to watch it one more time.
  35. What was that? Did I just run over a small child?!
  36. I just really fucking love when the speed limit goes up.
  37. James can’t see me in these clothes! Good thing I have that change of clothes in my backseat. I’ll just change real quickly right now.
  38. That cop just passed without pulling me over. I’m pretty much invincible.

Eh. Maybe these drivers should just get a good job and hire a personal driver.

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Kellie Stritz

Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.

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