38 Thoughts You’ll Have While Watching The World Cup

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  1. How many minutes are in this game?
  2. Wait. Is it a game or a match?
  3. Why is that guy wearing a different color?
  4. I would do dirty things to that ref.
  5. I need a fucking beer.
  6. Now.
  7. I thought they were going to be shirtless.
  8. Wait… isn’t one of them a zombie now or something?
  9. Is biting allowed?
  10. So is everyone cool with the whole German thing now? Like are we friends with them?
  11. How do these guys jump so high?
  12. There is no way I could do that much cardio.
  13. They just, like, run so much.
  14. Is it over?
  15. Oh, wait. There’s another half?
  16. Or quarters? Is it four quarters?
  17. As soon as someone goes to the bathroom, I’m going to cheer like we got a goal.
  18. This is the absolute worst.
  19. How can you tie in a game? WE ARE WINNERS.
  20. Wait… are we the white ones or the black ones?
  21. These commercials are almost better than the Super Bowl.
  22. Another event that I just drink and pray for it to stop.
  23. If there’s lightning will they just call it quits and play “Sex and the City?”
  24. If I just shout “America” maybe it’ll seem like I know what’s up.
  25. Who are those children and where do I get one?
  26. Hot announcer. Hot announcer.
  27. This is why day drinking exists.
  28. I’d be at the beach instead of watching guys kick baskets or whatever.
  29. I’d totally have the bright pink shoes.
  30. So even if we win, we might lose?
  31. That’s bullshit.
  32. These guys are so over dramatic.
  33. It doesn’t hurt THAT bad when you fall. Try tripping in stilettos.
  34. Pussy.
  35. Whoever says they like soccer is a liar.
  36. Whoever says that like the World Cup is also a liar.
  37. They just want an excuse to drink and shout “America.”
  38. On that note, hand me a beer. #Merica

Image via AP Image

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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