There’s only one way to start your morning: listening to Hoku’s “Perfect Day” and brushing your hair in slow motion.
Ditch your douchebag boyfriend, especially if he calls you “Pooh bear.” Gross.
Always take your schoolwork seriously.
Even if that means blowing off a couple theme parties.
Great motivation can come out of a bad breakup and some good, ol’ man hatin’.
Contrary to popular belief, dogs are a
woman’s best friend. “Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.”
A good manicure is the cure for any horrible day.
If you need to change yourself for a guy, he’s not the right one.
The key to staying out of trouble is exercise, duh.
Work hard to reach your goals.
Oh, and a video lounging by the pool can’t hurt to help reach these goals.
Some of us are Marilyns and some of us are Jackies. Own it.
You are not better than anyone else, and you should be friendly to everyone.
Even uppity brunettes and manicurists.
The hot guy is usually the douchiest. *Sigh*
There’s a very fine line between gay men and European men.
Always exude confidence when making an entrance.
Don’t be afraid to stand out from the crowd. If pink, fluffy pens and a scented résumé are your things, rock them.
When being a frigid bitch, try not to look so constipated.
Pink in the courtroom is totally fab. Your next jury duty just got so much better.
You can’t find the right guy until you get over the old one.
When all other flirting methods fail, execute the “Bend and Snap”–it has a 98 percent success rate.
Even if you break his nose in the process.
The Bible–you mean Cosmo?
Don’t let people undermine you.
Being blonde does not make you stupid.
Maybe naïve, but never stupid.
Personal accomplishments are waaaay better than four amazing hours in the hot tub.
Don’t take a shower after a perm.
Better yet, don’t get a perm at all.
Never let anyone take advantage of you, especially old, creepy professors.
Joining a sorority provides you with the best support group you’ll ever need.
The bonds of sisterhood should never be broken.
There is no better feeling than proving everyone wrong.
“I object!” is proof that legal jargon can be used outside the courtroom.
There’s totally enough space in a dorm room for an elliptical.
You have to deliver some coffees on your way to the top.
“You must always have faith in people, and, most importantly, you must always have faith in yourself.”
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