1. He doesn’t ask if you want anything when he picks up food.
2. He buys you lingerie for your birthday when you asked for perfume or jewelry.
3. He says “all women are crazy,” yet he’s dating you, a woman.
4. He picks fights about little things.
5. He orgasms with his eyes open.
6. He didn’t text you back for five hours and then when you asked what he was doing, he just said “nothing.”
7. He’s obsessed with how he looks, but when you ask what he thinks about your outfit, he brushes you off and says you look “fine.”
8. He wears a fedora and is still convinced he looks good.
9. He doesn’t even try to cuddle.
10. Actually, he asks you to leave.
11. And he makes up some excuse as to why you can’t stay over, like he’s a “light sleeper.”
12. He balks at the idea of going out on a “real” date.
13. Spending a casual night in is fun sometimes, but if he won’t even take you out to dinner or see a movie, run.
14. When you try to make plans, he’ll say vague things like, “yeah sure, we’ll see,” and then doesn’t understand why you’re mad he’s not committing because he “never said yes.”
15. He doesn’t make any plans more than two weeks in advance.
16. He says it’s because he doesn’t know where he’ll be then.
17. He’s incapable of consoling you when you’re crying.
18. He doesn’t even try to rub your back or say “it’s going to be okay.”
19. He’s just a non-feeling robot.
20. He always has a new reason for why he can’t be your boyfriend, meet your parents, hang out with your friends, etc.
21. He doesn’t want to call you his girlfriend.
22. Because he has “trust issues.”
23. It’s a word, not a ring. Get over it.
24. He finds nothing exciting.
25. Or happy.
26. Or sad.
27. Not even that cute video of a surprise military homecoming.
28. He’s at a permanent level of “meh” about everything all the time.
29. You always do what he wants to do, never what you want to do.
30. He thinks the female orgasm “doesn’t exist.”
31. So he doesn’t even bother to ask you if you came.
32. He hates your friends, even though they’ve been nothing but nice to him.
33. You’ve talked about your family on at least twenty separate occasions and he still can’t even remember your mom’s name.
34. And when you took him to your little sister’s birthday, he was on his phone the whole time.
35. He doesn’t even remember basic things about you, like that you’re allergic to nuts or your birthday month.
36. You both know exactly what drives him nuts, but you’ve told him you hate when he talks about how pretty your friends are and he still acts surprised when you get mad at him every time.
37. He used to flatter you and shower you with compliments all the time, and now it’s like he doesn’t even look at you.
38. You tell him something exciting that happened to you or a great accomplishment and he tries to downplay it or make it about him.
39. He doesn’t care about your happiness. At all.

Dump his ass and move on. You can do so much better. .

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Cristina Montemayor

Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: cristina@grandex.co (not .com).

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