After exams you didn’t study for, homework you didn’t do, and bar tabs your parents are still paying off, these college years are coming to a close. A chapter is ending — and it’s a really fucking good one. Enjoy these last few months. Enjoy them with everything you have.
1. Stay out all night. Literally stay out until the sun comes up. Reminisce, shoot the shit, drink too much. You have your whole adult life for sleep.
2. Start applying for internships/jobs now. Between the binge drinking and the class skipping, find time to be proactive. You’ll be glad you did.
3. Learn how to write a good cover letter. This is important. You must stand out.
4. Stop sending nude pictures. These will come back to haunt you. Seriously. Stop it.
5. Make every single form of social media you have private. Your future employers WILL search for you and trust me, they won’t like what they find.
6. Wake up in a freshman dorm. Once you’re out of college, hooking up with an eighteen-year-old is for the morally bankrupt. Roll in the hay – or crib, as it may be – one last time.
7. Be stupid – but not too stupid.
8. Make or break it with the college sweetheart. If it’s not forever, let it die. Being a recent postgrad is hard enough. No one needs a shitty relationship, to boot.
9. Thank your parents. Mean it.
10. Skip class and go to a bar. Your professors will be more forgiving than your future bosses will.
11. Stop cheating. Stop plagiarizing. Stop scanning. Stop skimming.
12. Realize that the right thing will not always be the easy thing. Deal with it.
13. Start becoming the person you really want to be.
14. Stop making excuses.
15. Read something written by Dave Ramsey. Learn how to balance a checkbook. Manage your money.
16. Stop buying stupid shit. You will have to pay your own bills soon enough. Try not to go into debt.
17. Put. Down. Your. Phone.
18. Take mental pictures of everything. Real memories don’t need to be filtered or snapped, the good ones need to be cherished in your mind.
19. Start taking responsibility for your achievements, and more importantly, for your mistakes.
20. Credit cards are only fun until you have to pay the bill. Remember that.
21. Use condoms. And birth control. And maybe even spermicide for good measure. You know what’s fun? Sex. You know what’s not? A baby.
22. Learn to like coffee that isn’t $7 a cup.
23. Drink more water. Your hangovers get exponentially worse as soon as you cross that graduation stage.
24. Pedialyte. This is your new best friend.
25. Stop thinking that the best years of your life are coming to an end. They’re good years, yes. But the best? No.
26. Do not address the fact that you are still on the family cell phone plan. Odds are, if you don’t mention it, neither will your parents. Ride this one out as long as possible.
27. Never “hashtag” in a work email. You think it’s funny. They think it’s obnoxious. #trustme
28. It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to be scared. These are scary times. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.
29. Get on some sort of fitness routine. You will gain weight after graduation and it will be awful.
30. Appreciate the friendships you have now. Do your best to maintain them, but understand that some people are not meant to stay in your life for forever. It’s okay.
31. Forgive the person who broke your heart, but also unfriend them on Facebook. There’s nothing quite as awful as seeing the engagement announcement of a former flame.
32. It is likely that you will move back home at some point within the two years following graduation. Try not to be unbearable. Your parents won’t like it, either.
33. People get dumped, people get fired, people get sick. Be as carefree as possible for these last few months. Real life is scary. Right now doesn’t have to be.
34. This is not the happiest you will ever be. It feels like it is, but it’s not.
35. Actually attend class for once. Your parents are paying a lot of money for you to dick around.
36. People will start getting engaged, married, and having babies throughout the next year. It really is okay if you’re not one of them.
37. A relationship does not definite your self-worth or happiness. Concentrate on yourself for a while. Now is a good time to be selfish.
38. Stop smoking.
39. You’re never too old to ask for help. Remember that.
Nice Move666
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Catie Warren
From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co
@catie__warren
@catie__warren
