39 Things Your First Heartbreak Will Teach You


  1. You are much stronger than you ever thought. Picking up the pieces isn’t easy, but it is possible.
  2. Being sad is allowed. Being overly dramatic is not.
  3. The ugly tears–the ones that leave you snotty and sweaty and puffy and nauseous–are the best kind.
  4. It didn’t work out with this guy, and that sucks. But that doesn’t mean a better one isn’t out there. He is.
  5. Nothing good comes from getting back together. If it didn’t last the first time, it won’t last the second.
  6. Taylor Swift speaks to the soul.
  7. There is nothing worse than a jaded young person. So life kicked you down? Dust off your knees and get back up.
  8. Tequila is not your friend.
  9. You really, truly, honest to God do not need a man to be happy.
  10. Take note of who is sitting in your bedroom with you, passing you wine and cookie dough. Those are your real friends.
  11. You’re not dying. It feels like it, yes. But this will not kill you.
  12. Watching “The Notebook” on repeat is a Band-Aid, not a cure.
  13. Even Jennifer Anniston had her heart smashed into a million, tiny pieces. If she got through it, so can you.
  14. If he wanted you, he would fight for you–and he’s not. Let him go.
  15. Being on the receiving end of a drunk text does wonders for the ego.
  16. You will always have a place in your heart for your first love–a small, itty bitty, teeny tiny, nothing more than a memory place.
  17. There is no such thing as “winning” a breakup.
  18. Tear up the pictures. All of them.
  19. Get rid of his clothes. All of them.
  20. Delete the texts. All of them.
  21. The first shower after being in bed for five days is one of life’s greatest feelings.
  22. He may not show it, but just know that this isn’t easy for him, either.
  23. There’s only a 50 percent chance that a one-night stand will make you feel better.
  24. The last thing you need right away is a new boyfriend. It’s okay to be by yourself for a little bit.
  25. Nobody likes the girl who cries at the bar. If you don’t think you can keep it together, stay at home.
  26. Exposing his every little secret makes the you bad guy, not him.
  27. If texting his mom was semi-acceptable before, it definitely isn’t now.
  28. You will either lose or gain a significant amount of weight. Either way, you’ll be shopping. A lot.
  29. A  new haircut or hair color does wonders.
  30. Hacking into his Twitter, Facebook, or email is crazy person behavior. Under no circumstance is this allowed.
  31. You’re allowed to vent. You are not, however, allowed to talk about you and only you. Your friends have lives, too.
  32. No good can come from stalking his new girlfriend.
  33. There’s no shame in paying someone to listen to you talk. Plus, said person has a tendency to write prescriptions for things like Valium and Xanax.
  34. People will let you down. It will, however, happen a lot less if you learn now to rely on yourself.
  35. 99.99 percent of the population has gone through this before. You’re not special.
  36. Watch “The Real Housewives” on a loop. All of those bitches are divorced and they’re good as gold.
  37. Ice cream and wine for two weeks. Then it’s back to the gym. A fat ass is comfy to sit on–that’s it.
  38. Find the silver lining.
  39. Cursing the day he was born will do you no good. This relationship taught you something, so learn your lessons and move on.

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email:

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