Going to a tanning bed is a personal choice and a unique experience. Aside from all the employees trying to sell thirty billion kinds of lotions, it can be a pretty zen experience once you’re in there. But with all that chill comes a lot of random thoughts.
- Ugh, it’s so cold in here, I don’t want to take all my clothes off.
- Why do these doors never have locks? The literal purpose of this whole place is that I get naked and crawl inside a giant sun-coffin.
- Seriously, what is the protocol if someone walks in on you?
- That lady cleaned this bed, right?
- I once read an article where this woman got herpes from a dirty tanning bed. But that was in like a sketchy place, this place is… alright.
- Why was there a guy in line out there? Do guys in real life even go tanning? I thought that was just a “Jersey Shore” thing?
- Do they tan naked too? What if they burn their junk?
- Do they wear, like, a sock over their dick? No way, then they’d be tan with a white peen. LOL.
- I wish I could tan one time and come out looking like Giselle Bundchen.
- I wonder if this is the time I’ll get skin cancer.
- If you put on sunscreen in the tanning bed, does it still work?
- Oh my god, if I get skin cancer I’ll be livid.
- I should seriously cancel my membership, like, today.
- But I reallyyyyyy don’t want to be pale.
- And this bed feels sooooo warm.
- I just hate tan lines.
- I can’t believe people wear swimsuits in tanning beds. Just go lay outside.
- Why am I sweating so much? It’s not normally this hot in here right?
- Is the machine supposed to be making that noise?
- What if I get trapped in here and fried alive?? I’ve seen Final Destination.
- Oh God, they’d find my body naked. Not the way I wanna go.
- I must be almost done by now.
- It’s only been five minutes? What the hell? I’m already sweating.
- Am I really the only one who gets pale blotches on her butt?
- Maybe I’ll put self-tanner there.
- No no, boys actually touch my butt. That could end badly.
- Problem solved, I’ll just turn over onto my stomach at the halfway point.
- Maybe this way I won’t get those tan lines under my butt where they roll into my thighs.
- I wish I had a thigh gap. I’m going to get one. I’m going to eat kale and chia seeds and all that shit, and I will have an Instagram model body, damn it!
- Oh wait, it’s penny pitchers tonight.
- Okay, next week I’ll go all granola.
- Has my double chin been happening this whole time??
- I remember that girl Anna who had tan lines from her double chins. I can’t be Anna.
- One minute left? I was just getting so warm and cozy!
- I feel like I have to get dressed again super quick or else they’re going to come in to clean it while I’m still here.
- I hope this Kardashian Glow shit was worth $45.
- Oh my God I burned my fucking nipples!
- I am super brown, though.
- Damn, I look good..
Nice Move284
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