You Snapchatted some stuff that you probably should not have Snapchatted.
And you miiiiight have had a 350 second long story of you getting white girl wasted.
You have this sneaking suspicion that you made out with a dad.
Or at least a guy with a dad bod.
You threw up.
More than once.
And you danced on an elevated surface.
But you forgot to wear underwear so, whoops.
A guy tried to make out with you, but you moved your head, so he licked your eyeball instead.
You thought you could handle tequila.
And you 100 percent showed your tits.
You drunk texted your ex.
And then you hooked up with your ex.
You look like you went to battle, considering the amount of bruises, scratches, and unidentified hickeys covering your body.
And you definitely fell on the dance floor.
You spoke in a fake accent all night.
And sort of made up a whole backstory, new name, and fake sexual history.
You burned yourself on pizza.
Condoms may have fallen out of your wallet when you went to show the bouncer your ID.
Yes, your fake ID.
You gave out blow jobs like they were your job.
“You get a blow job! And you get a blow job! And you! And you! And you!
You got so sunburnt on the first day of break, you had to stay inside the rest of the week.
And LOL at your tan lines.
You fell asleep cuddling with alcohol as opposed to a real live person.
You made out with a thirty-year-old.
But he was wearing a Rolex so it kind of makes up for it. Sort of.
Instead of requesting an Uber, you drunkenly applied to be a driver.
You asked a guy for a drink, and then completely ignored him.
You went to a restaurant wearing boxers, no bra, and a baggy t-shirt, all courtesy of a guy whose name you can’t quite remember.
You got lost on your cruise ship and cried.
And then you cried at the bar.
And in front of strangers on an elevator.
Basically, you cried. A lot.
You got hit in the face with balls.
Both the sport and the human kind.
You asked a stranger for his leftover bread from Cheesecake Factory.
You drunk texted your parents when you had no one else to drunk text.
And even though you said that you “looooveee them soooo muchhh” they didn’t even text you back.
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