4 Ways You Could Be Inadvertently Bullying Your Man, And Why That’s Not Okay

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In the news lately, we’ve seen countless stories about ladies being victims of a lot of horrible situations: women dealing with domestic violence, women being sexually abused, and women taking a lot of shit from a lot of shitty people. The fact that these fierce females are banding together and standing up for themselves is really fantastic. Really. My concern, however, is that in the media, there are a few stories that aren’t being told–stories of victims too scared to speak up for fear of being ridiculed or not taken seriously, stories of how they put up with abuse day in and day out like it’s no big deal. These victims, unfortunately, are our men.

Now, in our defense, we tend to be right about 99.99 percent of the time. I’m not being biased. It’s science, just like how you won’t get pregnant if you’re on top, and calories don’t exist on the weekend. While we’re usually right in situations concerning what to eat, what’s best in bed, and that he should not, in fact, have friend requested his ex on Facebook, every now and again, we mess up. We sometimes get emotional, unreasonable, and possessive, which is really not okay. I’d just like to take a moment to highlight some of the things you may or may be doing in your relationship that are absolutely, 100 percent not okay. This way, maybe you can avoid a breakup, a lawsuit, and a lifetime of loneliness with your 27 cats that are all named Fred.

When you decide that looking through his personal stuff is a good idea.
With sexting, snap-flirting, and direct message-cheating, there is a whole world of “what the hell is he doing on his phone” that we have to face. And sometimes, we are given the opportunity to explore that world uninhibited when he runs out to his car, hops in the shower, or forgets to log out of Facebook. It can be hard to turn down the chance to find out if the person you’re dedicating your time, heart, and genitals to is being true to you–I get it. But what happens when you look? What if there is a strange text? What if there’s a Snapchat from THAT girl? Then you’re faced with either owning up, which creates a “trust” conversation (and honestly, if you need to look, you don’t trust him, no matter how you want to spin it) or letting it go and dealing with all of the shitty feelings that come along with that knowledge. Not to mention, it’s a complete invasion of privacy, and in extreme cases, it can be considered abuse. You’ll come off as an untrusting, psycho bitch for the rest of your relationship, because, well, you are.

When you feel that he deserves to be degraded or called a creatively mean name.
Sometimes fights can get out of hand. He says something that you think is mean, so you want to get back at him. Before you form words that you’ll regret tomorrow (trust me, you will) take a second to think. Degrading him, bringing up past fights, or making him feel bad about himself are not only a pathetic and weak way to get your point across, but it’s also considered domestic abuse. Really think about what you say, because once it’s out, even if you “didn’t mean it,” it can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

When you “play dirty” to get back at him.
Guys can be dumb. This isn’t news. We know that, they know that, Kevin Hart knows that. It’s just how the world works. That being said, when a guy does something that upsets you, it doesn’t give you the right to play dirty. If he’s texting some bitch who you don’t like, that doesn’t mean you have the right to go cyber-cheat on him. If he forgets your birthday, anniversary, or Columbus Day (note: give him multiple heads up before special dates) that doesn’t give you the right to purposely forget to pick him up from the airport after his five-hour flight. If he does something that rubs you the wrong way, that doesn’t give you the right to be a complete bitch and lash out. The only thing more pathetic than doing something to upset the one you love is doing something to upset the one you love just to get back at him–and then get hauled off in a cop car for domestic violence charges.

When you need to get physical to get your point across.
And then the big one. Physical assault. What a topic lately, huh? It’s strange, because given what we’ve been presented in media, I always thought it was only illegal for a man to hit a woman. It seems that way, anyway. In movies, when a woman slaps a guy, it’s passionate. But when a guy does it? It’s downright shocking. Yes, men are generally stronger, so a slap from a man could do much more damage. But does that make it okay the push our guy around, just because (we think) he won’t hit back? Hopefully obvious answer: Hell. No.

So, ladies, make sure to always treat the person you care about with respect. Sure, he’ll mess up, and yes, he might hurt your feelings every now and again, but honestly, without respect? You’re not only unworthy of it in return, but you’ll end up alone, possibly arrested, and with nothing but the memories of how you hurt the man you loved.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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