1. “They don’t have hard liquor, only beer” doesn’t apply to us.
2. Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi are NOT “practically the same thing.”
3. “Inner beauty” is a joke a sorority girl once told. We can’t believe you keep falling for it.
4. Yes, I’m spoiled and my Daddy gives me what I want. I don’t get how that’s an insult.
5. Being pretty doesn’t mean we’re idiots.
6. Or sluts.
7. Or bad people…It just means we’re pretty.
8. We started a Girl Scout troop, volunteer at the local animal shelter, donate food and clothes to the shelter for battered women, and sponsor a little girl with cancer, helping to pay for the treatments that saved her life because her family couldn’t afford it. Okay, we only care about ourselves.
9. We haven’t waited on a line to get in somewhere in…well, ever.
10. Power comes in numbers…I’d try not to piss one of us off.
11. Did you ever think that maybe we started abbreving because we don’t want you to understand us?
12. As a matter of fact, that would look better bedazzled.
13. My Big is a goddess. My Little is an angel.
14. When we say “Omg, you dyed your hair blue?! That’s…darling,” it’s because we were so appalled we couldn’t help but mention it. It’s the FURTHEST thing from darling.
15. Nothing is worse than hearing you butcher the pronunciation of Greek letters…particularly ours.
16. We like our hair big, and our waists little.
17. Themed mixers are like Halloween. But better because there are no fat girls muffin topping.
18. Yes, we OBVIOUSLY know that girl in our sorority whose name you felt the need to drop in order to feel relevant.
19. Trust me, honey, we’re not trying to steal your boyfriend. But you’re right in thinking we could if we wanted to.
20. If you think we don’t like you, you’re probably right.
21. We wear leggings because we want to. You wear them because you have to.
22. Pinterest is OUR thing.
23. Hating us will give you cellulite…well, more cellulite.
24. Prom was just rehearsal for Formal.
25. You donated a dollar to some charity with your purchase of combos and a king sized Twix at CVS. We donate thousands of dollars every year to countless philanthropies, especially our own.
26. As a whole, we don’t really hate you. You’d have to cross our minds for us to hate you.
27. I don’t think making a few sandwiches in exchange for formal invitations, sober rides, manual labor, and free everything is degrading or in any way a bad deal. Hint: making a sandwich isn’t that hard.
28. You’re right, our boyfriends are assholes. Just not to us.
29. You can be only ONE out of the three: fat, ugly or bitchy. We chose bitchy. You, however, should try being a little nicer.
30. The weekend goes from Tuesday-Sunday.
31. And we’re still graduating cum laude.
32. It’s Lilly…NOT Lily.
33. “Tanorexic” > fat and pale.
34. Pearls or diamonds…as long as they’re real. We always say no to faux.
35. Before someone knows you, the only thing they know is how you look. Making an effort to look our best doesn’t make us superficial. It makes us smart.
36. Half of your problem is you’re underestimating the power of baked goods.
37. Think back to the most important thing that’s ever happened to you. Recruitment is more important than that.
38. No, we don’t want whipped cream on our venti skinny caramel.
39. It’s not a superiority “complex” if it’s true.
40. My sisters are the most beautiful, kind, amazing people I’ve ever known and I’m so lucky to be a part of something so incredible. You can think what you want, but you’ll never ever understand.
Follow me on Twitter @HotPiece_TSM
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
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