41 Life Lessons I Learned From My Big

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As we prepare for a new round of babies, let us not forget the ones who taught us everything we know.

  1. You’re never too old to cuddle.
  2. Genetics do not always decide families.
  3. If he wanted to call, he’d call.
  4. McDonald’s has no calories after midnight.
  5. Same goes for Taco Bell.
  6. It’s perfectly acceptable to go to your 8 a.m. class in leggings and no makeup.
  7. It’s also perfectly acceptable to just skip 8 a.m. classes altogether.
  8. Call. A. Cab.
  9. You know what doesn’t look cute on anyone? Wrinkles. Put down the cigarettes.
  10. Nothing good happens after midnight, but stay out anyway.
  11. It’s all fun and games ’til somebody pukes.
  12. Delete your texts from last night. Nobody wants to see that.
  13. Adding peanut butter and hot sauce to Ramen noodles makes for a poor man’s pad thai. Seriously. So good.
  14. Always look in the test bank first.
  15. Braids hold better when your hair is slightly greasy.
  16. The best kinds of T-shirts are the ones you steal.
  17. Wash off your makeup. Ain’t nobody got time for raccoon eyes.
  18. It’s never as bad as you think.
  19. Wear a condom. Take your birth control. Have fun.
  20. Cs get degrees…but they might not get you a job.
  21. Chances are, you will not like everyone in your sorority. Hell, you probably won’t even like everyone in your pledge class.
  22. When the going gets tough, the tough go drinking.
  23. Even the greatest of people screw up from time to time. Shake it off. It happens.
  24. There’s always vodka to be found. Sometimes you just have to look for it.
  25. Wine may not be a cure all, but it comes pretty damn close.
  26. It could always be worse–look at Lindsay Lohan.
  27. Loves comes in all shapes and sizes. It does not, however, come in the form of a 3 a.m. booty call.
  28. High school is over. Stop acting like you’re still in it.
  29. Being assertive and being a bitch are two very different things.
  30. Just like R.E.M. said, everybody hurts. And everybody cries, too.
  31. There’s always room for more–they just need to bring their own alcohol.
  32. Look at your fake. Study it. Memorize it.
  33. You know what cops don’t like? When you talk back.
  34. Boys will come and go. Let them. The right one will stick around.
  35. Deny everything.
  36. Ordering doubles is cheaper in the long run.
  37. Oversized sunglasses will save your life on more than one occasion.
  38. Love yourself. Love your friends. Love your family. Screw the guy who broke your heart.
  39. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, dancing on tables, five tequila, six tequila, seven tequila, dead.
  40. When all else fails, take a Xanax.
  41. Be nice. It’s really not that hard.

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email:

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