1. You haven’t worn a swimsuit bottom as underwear because you forgot to do laundry in awhile.
2. And you actually throw out some of your gross, torn, I-hope-no-one-sees-me-in-these panties and replace them with like, the nice shit.
3. You own fabric softener.
4. And you use it. Like, a lot.
5. It’s Tuesday night, and you’re not at ladies night.
6. It’s Thursday night, and you’re not at Thursday Thursday.
7. It’s Saturday night and you’re not out.
8. It’s Sunday morning and you’re not hungover.
9. You purchased fresh produce instead of just a whole bunch of pizza rolls at the grocery store.
10. You *went* to the grocery store.
11. You have a 401(k).
12. You know what a 401(k) even is.
13. You can afford to buy that bag you really want.
14. But you don’t buy that bag you can afford to buy that you really want because you know that you have bills to pay.
15. Because yeah. You have bills to pay.
16. You laugh at people when they ask if you want to go to an 8 a.m. spin class after a night of drinking.
17. Because after a night of drinking you literally can’t do shit.
18. Because when you are hungover, the world might actually be ending.
19. You know how to cook some stuff.
20. And more than just like, Ramen and Hot Pockets.
21. And for Christmas? You want one of those crazy expensive, mint-green, stand up mixers.
22. The sad part? You know exactly what I’m talking about.
23. You’ve considered getting in shape.
24. And not just to be hot (even though yes, duh). But because like, health or whatever.
25. You know which guys are assholes and which ones are actually good people.
26. I’m not saying you pick the right guys. Hell no. But at least you know when you’re picking the wrong ones.
27. You call your parents. Just because.
28. And you do things like check up on them and send thank you notes.
29. Someone you know is getting married.
30. And not like, your much-older cousin. A real, live, human friend that you’ve gotten drunk and ate too much Taco Bell with.
31. You wash your face every night.
32. Okay. Almost every night. You’re an adult. Not dead.
33. And you might even brush your teeth and moisturize while you’re at it.
34. The thought of going to a “club” sort of makes you want to die.
35. And you prefer to go to places where you can sit down and eat finger foods.
36. You bought a pair of shoes because they were comfortable. COMFORTABLE.
37. And you looked at a trend and immediately thought “that’s dumb,” and then you didn’t take part in it.
38. You put on real clothes to go to the store.
39. And maybe even a bra. Maybe.
40. But you also go out sometimes without a bra because honestly, you’ve lost all of your fucks.
41. You drink a glass or two of wine a night instead of the entire box.
42. In fact, you usually don’t even buy wine from boxes anymore.
43. You nodded along to almost everything on this list, and you’ve never hated yourself more.

Welcome to the world of not constantly overdrafting, ordering alcohol with dinner, and dating guys with money. Trust me, it’s not so bad..

Nice Move739

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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