43 Signs You Went To A Catholic High School

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  1. Most people wear leggings because it’s cold out. You wear them because you’re not used to shaving your legs more often than once every two months.
  2. You’re always running late because you’re still not used to choosing what YOU want to wear.
  3. And because apparently wearing a messy bun and not showering aren’t socially acceptable anymore.
  4. Like, how do people wake up and have the energy to make themselves look so good everyday?
  5. Even though you know better, you still shower after every time you have sex. It’s worked well so far, right?
  6. You were the only one in your pledge class who wasn’t creeped out by any of your sorority’s traditions.
  7. They are nothing compared to the weird traditions you had in high school.
  8. Like, “can’t finish the explanation without getting freaked out looks by everyone who’s listening” weird.
  9. What do you mean people don’t carry snacks in their backpacks or purses?
  10. If you had a dollar for every Catholic school girl porn joke you’ve heard, your high school would name the library after you.
  11. You’re known as “the one who never gets caught” in your group of friends.
  12. A life of strictness didn’t lead you to purity, just to break every rule in the most discreet possible fashion.
  13. You still hide your phone in your purse or backpack, even though you know you won’t get a demerit for it.
  14. Just reading the word “demerit” brought you back to every time you’ve gotten one.
  15. You STILL think pregnancy scares are just as scary, if not scarier, as waking up tomorrow and the world ending.
  16. But there really is no difference between the two, because both God and your parents are going to smite the shit out of you.
  17. You still have the impulse to break into your “class cheer” or your high school field hockey team’s cheers.
  18. No ideas for a costume? Easy, wear your old uniform.
  19. Your go-to insult when you see couples committing PDA is “MAKE ROOM FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT.”
  20. Seriously, why don’t people snack more often?
  21. Gossip that happened in first period was common knowledge to the entire school by third, so when rumors are spread about you, you just wonder how more people haven’t heard by now.
  22. You still hate — no, loathe entirely — your rival school.
  23. Who cares if it’s socially unacceptable to pull up your tights in public? Not you.
  24. Also, fuck tights and knee socks.
  25. Apparently over-sharing is a thing. Whoops.
  26. And talking about periods in public is frowned upon. Double whoops.
  27. Went to an all girls school? “Oh my God, why?”
  28. “Are you, like, a lesbian or something? *laughs*
  29. “Have you ever talked to a guy?”
  30. You have no qualms about changing clothes anywhere, anytime. Who cares about privacy?
  31. Being attracted to preppy boys is hardwired into your genetics.
  32. Your college friends don’t believe that you convinced your teacher to have a “cake party” during class when you were learning about the French Revolution.
  33. You’ve brought a coloring page to a college class and didn’t understand why people gave you weird looks.
  34. Dress code? More like dress suggestions.
  35. No matter where you are, you’ll find people who went to a school in your diocese or conference.
  36. And you’ll probably become instant drunk BFFs…
  37. …unless she’s from your rival high school. Then you’ll probably get into a fist fight.
  38. Sex ed was taught by your best friend’s older sibling whenever you slept over at her house, so you’re still not 100 percent sure what’s real and what’s made up.
  39. Like, you’re not sure if a curved penis is normal or cause for concern.
  40. Yeah, you’ve been on birth control since sophomore year for “your periods”…no other reason.
  41. You still have a strong sense of pride when you say where you went to high school, even though no one gives a shit.
  42. You wouldn’t say you survived–you’d say you thrived.
  43. But damn, you’re glad you’re out.

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Hakuna Moscato

Hakuna Moscato (@HakunaMoscato) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. and Post Grad Problems. A born and raised Maryland girl, she's obsessed with the Baltimore Ravens, Old Bay, and anything that has the Maryland flag pattern on it. She's a newly retired student-athlete and sorority girl, but not quite ready to call herself an adult, especially since she still has to be carried out of bars. With a Long Island in hand, she's ready for whatever life is throwing her way. Maybe.

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