It’s that time of the year again, New York Fashion Week, where all of our insecurities are highlighted, as well as our shockingly low bank accounts. Whether you are one of the privileged few who managed to snag passes to events, even if it’s for the least prestigious of the shows, or you’re like me, who live streams the shows on my computer when I’m supposed to be paying attention to my philosophy class, we’re all thinking the same thing.

1. First show on my list of ones to watch, Givenchy.
2. OMG, I can’t stand when people pronounce it “Ga-vin-chee. It’s “jzhiv-on-shee.” It’s French.
3. It’s like the people that pronounce the ‘H’ in Hermes. Can you just not?
4. Is that a giant crate at the start of the runway? Why is it there? How are people expected to walk up and down that in heels?
5. Oh, right. They’re not people. They’re models.
6. I’m confused. Are the guys wearing shorts, pants, or skirts?
7. And is that girl just not wearing pants at all?
8. Are her boots supposed to be pants?
9. Those boots are pretty cute though. I wonder how much they cost…
10. NBD, they’re just under four grand. I can totally afford them if I sell my kidney. You still only need one, right?
11. I would give my left arm to look like Candice Swanepool.
12. OMG, wait. She didn’t just…
13. Yep, she ate shit. In the middle of NYFW. RIP dignity. Models: they’re just like us!
14. How is this considered “Ready to Wear.” Who the fuck is wearing this shit?
15. I’ve never even heard of most of these designers.
16. I’ve always considered myself fashionable, and I feel like a fraud.
17. No, fuck it. I’m still fashion forward.
18. I mean, I wear hats.
19. And distressed boyfriend jeans with elegant heels.
20. I read Vogue.
21. Ugh, but I could not pull of like 50 percent of what I’m seeing right now.
22. Okay, 75%.
23. Who the fuck am I kidding, I could never wear any of this.
24. These models are rocking perma-bitch face, rn. Probably because they haven’t had solid food in two weeks. Who’s winning now, bitch?
25. Just kidding. It’s still you.
26. And your collarbones of an Ethiopian child.
27. Is DVF still relevant? I sort of thought DVF was over and done with after that God awful reality show.
28. So both Hadid sisters are walking for DVF?
29. Bella really is just riding the coattails of Gigi, I guess.
30. And here comes Kendall.
31. It’s like, I want to hate you, because fuck your family, but you really are just gorgeous.
32. Stop. DOES KENDALL HAVE HER FUCKING NIPPLES PIERCED?!
33. Why can I see that! Why do none of these bitches wear bras?
34. It’s not practical at all. I went without a bra, like, one time and my tits still hurt from it.
35. Some of these models really aren’t even that pretty.
36. Their bone structure is just so severe. Like, their cheekbones could probably cut glass.
37. I wonder what you have to keep your daily caloric intake at to look like that.
38. I know it’s low, but how low?
39. I’d try to be model skinny, but I’m not model tall, so what’s the point?
40. Plus, pizza.
41. And vodka.
42. And wine.
43. And chocolate.
44. Fuck it, these clothes are weird anyway. Model body, be damned..

Image via Miro Vrlik Photography / Shutterstock.com

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ChampagneShowers
Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at: [email protected]
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