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46 Reasons Why Food Is Your One True Love

Food One True Love

Because as the great Beyoncé once said, “If you liked it then you should have put some cheese on it.”

  1. You never second guess, think twice, or question your values when you bring food to bed with you.
  2. Because you know that food will treat you right and give you exactly what you want in the bedroom.
  3. And yes, you’d rather bring food into bed with you than another human being.
  4. You’re always down to slide food into your awaiting mouth.
  5. You don’t even care how messy, wet, or dirty things get.
  6. Actually, the messier, the better.
  7. Food accepts and encourages you with all of your crazy diets, new health kicks, and attempts at being vegan.
  8. It won’t make fun of you when, after a day, you decide that dieting fucking sucks and you secretly have a double cheeseburger.
  9. Because LOL at #cleaneating.
  10. You always take home your leftovers.
  11. And the leftovers of your weird friend who “doesn’t do leftovers.”
  12. You never have to wonder what food is doing or who food is hanging out with.
  13. Food doesn’t do sketchy shit on social media, and for that, you’re #blessed.
  14. You daydream about pouring melted cheese all over food’s hot bod.
  15. You’ve had actual sex fantasies involving pizza.
  16. You might have googled if it’s legal to marry a helping of buffalo chicken with ranch (fun fact: it is).
  17. Money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you food, which is better than love — so food wins.
  18. You only attend events when you know food will be there, because you’re faithful and dedicated.
  19. As soon as you see your food, you can’t help but take a picture of it, because it’s just that beautiful.
  20. Plus, it doesn’t even need a filter.
  21. You aren’t embarrassed about the amount of selfies that you have together, because honestly, food is always lookin’ fresh.
  22. You know that giving up carbs is never the answer.
  23. And you never fear the bread basket at restaurants. Instead, you embrace it.
  24. Then you embrace it, like, seven more times, because the limit does not exist when it comes to bread basket refills.
  25. You have no problem planning your whole entire day around food.
  26. You look forward to waking up with food and going to sleep each night with food by your side.
  27. Food always gives you exactly what you want for the holidays: no judgement and more food.
  28. You know that you have the best valentine around when food comes to you in a heart-shaped, chocolate-filled box.
  29. And yes, you purchased the box for yourself for half the price on February 15, but food supports your decision.
  30. Food knows exactly what you want at 2 a.m.
  31. It will take care of you the next morning, when you’re hungover and in dire need of grease.
  32. You’ve accepted the fact that food will spill on you and your belongings, because love is messy.
  33. You’ve adopted “paninis over penises” as your personal mantra.
  34. Panera Bread has become your personal, bread bowl-filled temple.
  35. You’ve #ManCrushMonday’ed a piece of cake before.
  36. Even though, let’s be real, cake is your #ManCrushEveryDay.
  37. Food doesn’t make fun of you for having “emergency ranch” packets in your purse, just in case.
  38. Because food knows that it’s cool (and delicious) to always be prepared.
  39. Food doesn’t get offended when you wake up the next morning and completely regret it.
  40. Food will also quickly forgive you when you get drunk and go crawling back to its drive-thru window all over again.
  41. When people say they’re too tired, too stressed, or too upset to eat, you totally don’t get it.
  42. Because you have never been too anything to not eat.
  43. Food porn is the best kind of porn.
  44. You’ve asked, “Are you going to finish that?” on multiple occasions.
  45. Food doesn’t care how much you weigh, how many “likes” you get on Facebook, or how much money you make. The only thing food wants is to be loved by you and to make you happy. For that, we thank food for always being there for us, for always giving it to us just how we like it, and for making the world a more delicious place.
  46. Finally, “fries over guys” is kind of your life motto, and for that, you make no apologies.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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